Living in Oblivion
by ronsparkles
Summary: The Marauders in their 6th year. James curses Lucius so he can only speak the truth Lucius tries to seduce Lily by slipping Ditz Draught in her drink everybody goes to a dance with an amnesia spell, what will happen? R&R! Really Funny! NOW COMPLETE!
1. New Arrangements

Author's Notes: Hey guys! This is my first fanfic ...so have mercy...and tell me what you think by reviewing. Thanks! BTW I don't own any of the characters blah, blah, blah...well anyway enjoy the story!  
  
Chapter One  
  
It was their 6th year at Hogwarts. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were about to have one of the most difficult times of their lives. They were all sitting in the Great Hall, and, as usual, Dumbledore was about to make his usual speech. "Padfoot, will you stop bouncing up and down; you're making a scene," Remus pleaded. "Sorry mate, but I can't stand another one of these speeches!" Sirius moaned. Ahem, Sirius shouted as he put on his best "Dumbledore" voice. " 'Welcome to another year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! Blah, blah, blah. Let's eat!' " James laughed at his friend's stupidity and truthfulness. Meanwhile, Dumbledore started his speech by clearing his throat. "Thank you, Sirius, for that wonderful introduction." "No problem!" Sirius responded haughtily. "This year," started Dumbledore, " we're going to be promoting an intra- house bonding and co-operation program. Now, before you all start jumping to equally horrible conclusions, I'm going to explain what I mean by this."  
  
"This year, the staff and I have come to the conclusion that by sorting each of you into separate houses, we have been preventing intra-house friendships from forming. I realize that The Sorting has been part of the school since it was founded, so we have come up with a new way of getting you to know each other. From now on, we will have different houses sharing Commonrooms. However, this new arrangement shall not be co-ed, and there will only be 8 people to each room. For example, certain boys of Ravenclaw will go with certain boys of Hufflepuff, etc. The new arrangements shall be given to you following this ceremony."  
  
James and Sirius began whining and moaning to Remus, who was equally distressed by the speech. Peter started hyperventilating until Sirius, who was thrashing his arms around frantically, accidentally whacked him in the nose. James's laughter for Peter turned into a whimpering because he was still thinking about whom they might be paired up with.  
"Moony," Sirius began, "what if we get stuck with Malfoy and his gang of narks?!" Before Lupin could respond, Peter burst out into a squealing sound.  
"Ah! I can't be stuck with them! They're evil...and narks...and stupid!!!" James shrieked. Luckily, before the entire school erupted into chaos, the arrangement sheets appeared in everyone's hands.  
  
The following students shall be in the same room.  
Black  
Snape  
Lupin  
Crabbe  
Pettigrew  
Goyle  
Potter  
Malfoy "No. No. No. No. No. No." "Wormtail, would you shut-up?!" James, Lupin, and Sirius shouted simultaneously. "You guys, I have realized that there is no point in fighting with fate. We are being forced to room with these narks, and room with them is what we must do!" Sirius said calmly. "Wow, Padfoot, I'm impressed at how responsible.... you.... are.... being...." Lupin finished doubtfully. "Wait a second, what are you planning?" Sirius responded with a diabolical grin on his face, "Nothing." "Nothing, or something?" "I doooon't knooooow." Lupin rolled his eyes and started mumbling things under his breath while James and Sirius exchanged glances and burst into fits of uncontrollable, maniacal laughter.  
  
Lupin was walking up to their new room while James and Sirius were talking in whispers, cackling, talking in whispers again, and then snickering, and Peter was lagging behind them in a pathetic attempt to keep pace with his friends. When they finally reached the room, Lupin muttered the password and they all moped into their impending doom. Sirius greeted the blob napping in the chair, Snape, by creeping up behind him and bellowing a loud and obnoxious tune.  
SOOOOOMEWHEEEEERE, OVER THE RAINBOW  
WAAAAAAAY UUUUUUUUUUUUP HIIIIIIIIIIGH  
THERE'S A LAND THAT I'VE HEARD OF  
ONCE IN A LUUUUULLLLAAAABYYYYY  
  
Snape immediately bolted upright and squealed, as James and Sirius started rolling on the floor with laughter. Lupin couldn't help but smirk and Peter, always a little slow on the uptake, starting laughing after a few moments delay. Their laughter was rudely interrupted by a cold, loathsome voice behind them. "Very clever. I expected more from you, Sirius." "Well, it was a spur of the moment type of thing, but don't worry, I'll make sure I get you so badly, that you'll be running home to your mommy, Malfoy. Of course, that's not saying much, is it? You go running home to her when you get a paper cut." James guffawed in the background, and they all walked away to get their possessions into their bedroom.  
  
"On the bright side, it's just the four of us in this bedroom, so we don't have to hear Malfoy snoring," Lupin said sardonically. They started unpacking their things silently, until James randomly said, "Hey mates, do you think that Lily might be interested in me this year?"  
"Listen to me Prongs, you have been trying to get Lily Evans to fall in love with you since you met her. It's not going to happen," Sirius said sympathetically. James hung his head and Sirius felt bad for saying that to him, so he finished with, "That is, unless we Marauder's don't help you out." That seemed to brighten James's mood a bit. Lupin yawned, "Hey mates, I think I'm going to head to bed....and please, please don't terrorize the Slytherins, yet. Just wait, until we can come up with a prank that will not blow up the school!"  
"Don't worry, Moony. What do you think we are? Animals?!" quipped Sirius, while James and Peter snickered and Lupin glared and rolled his eyes.  
  
Remus fell asleep within minutes, and Peter followed suit and went to bed, which left James and Sirius to plan.  
"So," began Sirius, "what shall we do to them? Firecrackers, potions that wreak havoc on their health, or spells to change their appearances?"  
"How about," replied James growing quieter, "we..."  
"Hahaha! That's a great idea! How about we go do it now...they'll be in for a surprise tomorrow morning!"  
  
The next morning...  
  
Sirius and James were wide-awake and sitting in the common room choking back laughter. When Remus, quickly followed by Peter, came downstairs he took one look at his two friends and started questioning them about what they had done.  
  
"Moony, we've told you before you don't have to worry so much! We are two, responsible, 16 year old guys. Please, Moony, it's called trust," replied James.  
"The last time I 'trusted' you, you turned all of potions class into a bunch of CHICKENS!" retorted Lupin.  
"They deserved it!" shouted Sirius, and Remus rolled his eyes.  
"Eeep!" squeaked Peter, "we only have 30 seconds to get to breakfast!"  
"We-haha-wouldn't-want to-ha-miss-that!" stuttered Sirius.  
  
The marauders all sprinted down to breakfast and made sure to sit with the Slytherins. Lucius Malfoy was sitting next to his girlfriend, Narcissa Black.  
"This is going to be great," whispered Sirius to Lupin.  
"What did you do?"  
"You'll see in a minute," replied James. At that moment they heard a slap and looked over to see Narcissa Black smack Lucius so hard his eyes started to water.  
  
5 minutes earlier...  
  
"Lu-u-ci-usss" pouted Narcissa, "why didn't you call me?" I missed you."  
"Well, let me think, you're whiny, conceited, and quite frankly the sound of your voice makes me cringe."  
"WHAT?!"  
"I didn't mean to say that. What I meant to say, is that I was to busy snogging Bella to even think about you."  
"You nark! I can't believe you just said that to me! Don't you love me?"  
"No! I love slugs more than you! They, at least, don't constantly talk about clothes, make-up, and how horrible their lives are! Plus, they're better looking!"  
SLAP  
  
Present...  
  
"Oh my wizard! That was hilarious. I guess it's true what they say, the truth is dangerous," snorted Sirius.  
"What did you two do to him?" interrogated Lupin.  
"Just a healthy dose of a truth spell," replied James. "Besides it'll be good for him."  
"When does it wear off?"  
"At the end of the day."  
"This is going to be one great day," stated Sirius with an evil grin.  
  
More author notes: Please people, give me some ideas for some truthful things Snape or somebody would say. It might spice things up a bit....  
  
Upcoming events: Well, I don't want to give away too much yet...here's a hint....James has a dream....and somebody overhears him talking in his sleep. 


	2. Infatuations

Author's Notes: I don't own any of these characters JKR does....and um....enjoy and review thanks!  
  
Chapter Two  
  
"Snape," snapped the Potions Professor, "what root should I add to this love potion to create the desired affect?"  
"Ginger Root," stated Severus. "I wish I could be just like you. I love your red robes. They really bring out the color of your cheeks."  
"Thank you, Severus. Now, can we get back to the potions, not your infatuation with me?"  
"But I didn't mean that—yes I did—but—I—I can explain..."  
"Severus we will discuss this after class, unless of course you have something you need to get out of your system at this time."  
"No—ok yes—but—nobody loves meeeeee!" Snape shouted as he burst into tears.  
  
Nothing, not even Snape's wails, could be heard over the howls of laughter that erupted from the marauders at that moment. To add to Severus's embarrassment, Sirius suddenly stood up and shouted to Snape, "Hey, Snivellus! Prongs over here has a question for you!" "James's ego is so big, he learned how to strut before he could even crawl!" Snape squealed. "Snivelly, when was the last time you took a shower, you big grease ball?!" "Last night—ok fine last week—FINE—I GIVE UP—LAST MONTH!!!" If it were even possible the marauders laughed louder, as all of the girls around Severus inched farther away in their chairs. "WHOO!!! Let's give a round of applause for the longest stretch of time in between showers!!!" cheered Sirius sardonically. "Not true!" shrieked Snape, "one time I didn't take a shower for 2 and ¼ months!" He clapped his hands over his mouth and ran, spilling his cauldron over the floor as he tripped on a chair leg and skidded out of the room.  
  
Malfoy's adventures in Charms...  
  
Malfoy had just taken his usual seat in Charms class, in between Crabbe, Goyle, Bella, and Narcissa. Typically, Narcissa would fawn over how wonderful he was and then Bella would compliment him and it would turn into a competition by the end of class. But today, Narcissa was upset with Bellatrix and Lucius, so during Charms, disaster erupted.  
  
"Hey Bella," crooned Malfoy, "come with me to Hogsmeade tonight?" "Of course," replied Bella, "there's nobody I would enjoy going with more." "Speak for yourself!" burst Lucius. "I'm only going with you because my dad keeps forcing me to pretend that I like you!" "Excuse me?" snapped Bellatrix. "You heard him, Dumb-bell," retorted Narcissa. "He doesn't even like you!"  
  
"LUCIUS!" shrieked Bellatrix. "Don't upset me! I happened to know every embarrassing thing about you!" "Not true!" Lucius hollered. "You don't know that I suck my thumb and have a collection of stuffed animal bunnies!" "Bunnies?!" gaped Narcissa. "They're pink and baby blue." "What other things haven't you told us?" interrogated Goyle. "I'm actually bald, so I have to wear a wig secured by magic." "Why'd you get one so ugly?" asked Crabbe. "Because my dad wanted to punish me—I was the reason for my hair loss. I was trying to brew a lust potion because Chi Chang didn't fancy me, and it exploded and burned off my hair."  
  
Malfoy, meanwhile, had been becoming redder by the second, and he couldn't figure out why he kept telling the truth. He performed a freezing charm on the room and went straight to his common room to regroup. He found a miserable surprise there, though. James, Sirius, Peter, and Lupin (muttering under breath about what a big mistake this was) were there to greet him.  
  
"It's all your fault, isn't it?" accused Malfoy. "I guess I underestimated you, Malfoy. I didn't think you would have the brains to even figure out what was going on." "I don't know what's going on. I just keep saying stu—Sirius, I secretly admire your charming good looks and cleverness. For Merlin's sake!" "I'm sorry, Lucius, but you're not my type," taunted Sirius. "Sod off, you nark!" yelled Malfoy. "This is GREAT!" beamed James. "You guys are geniuses." Peter said. "When this truth thing wears off, I'm going to make you wish you were never born—well, you'll be miserable—I'll try to make you miserable!" "Lucius," Remus chimed, "looking at you makes us miserable. So, please leave before you embarrass yourself even further."  
"I hate you all!" bellowed Lucius. "James, you're going to pay for this!"  
"Hey!" whined James, "Why do I have to pay. It wasn't all my idea!"  
"You have to pay because I don't want to hurt Sirius, Peter is too lame, and Remus is too responsible to be part of this scheme," Malfoy explained as he ran towards his room and slammed the door behind him. James and Sirius exchanged ecstatic glances and then started laughing.  
  
During lunch...  
  
"Oooohhhhhhhhhh, Lu-uciu-ssss," James crooned. "Why don't you come over here and tell the faculty how you feel about them. "That's quite alright. I really don't think they care to hear what I have to say." "Oh yes, Malfoy, I think they do," Sirius replied. Sirius and James grabbed Lucius by either arm and brought him up to the faculty table in the Great Hall. "Lucius Malfoy has something he'd like to say to you," James said, matter- of-factly. "No, I don't—yes, I do—I'm supposed to tell you what I think of you." "Well, Lucius," began Dumbledore, "what is it that you think of me?" "You're a wrinkly, old bat....in a good way—not really. I hate you! My dad has been trying to get you fired since you took over this school!" "I suppose that everybody is entitled to their own opinions, Lucius," stated Dumbledore calmly. "Is there something you would like to say to anybody else, while you are up here?"  
  
Lucius began looking down at his feet and avoiding eye contact with everyone. James and Sirius started to snicker uncontrollably during their attempts to keep a straight face. "James. Sirius. Is my suspicion that you have got something to do with Lucius's honesty, or am I mistaken?" asked Dumbledore. "Well—um—you see—we just thought that—"James stuttered. "We just thought that, in honor of the co-operation program, honesty would help open up the doors to friendship and understanding," Sirius finished. "I see," said Dumbledore, "well despite the fact that I appreciate your enthusiasm of honesty, I am going to be forcing you to serve detentions together."  
  
"But Dumbledore," interrupted Lupin, who appeared out of nowhere, "I thought that you would be pleased that they are taking such an active role in your program. After all, how can you expect to form friendships based on lies and deceit? The best way to bond is to not be afraid of opening up to others even if you don't feel completely confident, and the best way to do that is with enthusiastic students and a little, truth spell."  
  
Sirius and James gaped at Remus. Mr. Perfect Prefect purposely deceiving Dumbledore in order to get out of deserved punishment; who would have thought?! "Very well, Lupin, after that lovely speech I suppose I could let you slide this time, but bear in mind that next time you wish to 'endorse' my program, I must ask you to avoid using magic. You understand, of course." "Yes, sir wrinkly old coot," Lucius said as he saluted. "You bark, we jump. It's the way of the world, after all." Lucius continued to spurt out insults at Dumbledore while Remus dragged him out of the Great Hall by his ear.  
  
That night...  
  
James was studying for Divination on the couch in the common room, when he fell asleep in mid-sentence. His exhaustion caused by the extreme boredom that is N.E.W.T. level Divination. Meanwhile, Lucius's peaceful sleep was being interrupted by a very loud snore coming from Goyle. Malfoy was grouchy and tired because in his dream he had been running away from a car full of clowns with red noses and hair. He decided to go down to the common room and try his luck with sleeping as far away from his snoring roommates as physically possible.  
  
When he got down to the common room, he was surprised to find James Potter sprawled out on his favorite coach mumbling incoherently. Lucius couldn't comprehend what James was mumbling, until he crept over to where James's head was hung over the arm of the chair. "Mm, Lily," muttered James, "I love you—girlfriend—you—my...kiss me—Lilly Evans..." "What?!" Lucius gaped silently. "James Potter is in love with that mudblood?!" "It's payback time..." Lucius cackled as he stalked back into his bedroom.  
  
Upcoming Events: I'm thinking about having Lucius try and win Lily over...but she hates him almost as much as she hates James...so it should be interesting. 


	3. Malfoy's Charm

Author's Notes: I don't own any characters. Please review my story...if you have any ideas for future pranks, etc. tell me.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Malfoy and Snape were already in the Great Hall when Sirius woke James.  
"PROOOOOOOOONGSIIIIIIIII?" shouted Sirius.  
"Hm—what Lily?" James murmured.  
"Oh, James," Sirius said in a high-pitched voice. "I love you! I've realized that you're not self-centered at all! You're such a good student, never break the rules, and you're such a handsome-devil!"  
"I kno—SIRIUS! Stop making fun of me. Just let me sleep in peace!"  
"And dream about you're beloved, Lily?"  
"Yes!"  
"It's time for breakfast, Prongs," Lupin informed James.  
"FOOD!" James chirped, "What are we waiting for?!"  
  
Sirius, Lupin, James, and Peter went down to breakfast and sat down at the Griffindor table with Lily and her friend. When Lily saw James take the seat beside her, she glared at him and continued to chat with her friend, Alice.  
"He's so annoying! I can't stand that James. He thinks he so special and wonderful, but he's just a big, stupid nark!" Lily whispered fiercely to Alice.  
"Hey, Lily!" chimed James.  
"Go away, James," Lily said coldly.  
"Go out with me and I will."  
"I'd sooner go out with Lucius Malfoy than you!" spat Lily.  
"You don't say," said a voice from behind her.  
  
"Oh, it's you," snapped James. "Don't you have to go and fix your wig, Lucius?"  
"Shut up, Potter," Lily and Malfoy said concurrently.  
Malfoy continued, "Why don't you leave the poor girl alone? You're constantly drooling over her, following her around, and making her life miserable. Just give her some space, will you?"  
"Thank Y—," began Lily.  
"You're so full of it, you git!"  
"I'm just saying that you should give Lily some space. She obviously doesn't like you—in the least."  
"That's so considerate, Lucius," Lily said earnestly as James rolled his eyes.  
"Besides," Malfoy continued, "Lily has much more sense; she would never date someone so conceited. All you do is go and curse people in the halls, not thinking for a second about how much that could hurt someone."  
  
After that comment, James couldn't take it anymore. He got up shouted a stream of enraged gibberish at Malfoy, and then he stormed off, quickly followed my Remus and Sirius (Peter was too busy eating his wait in bacon, to take any notice of what had just happened). (Author's Note: I love slamming Peter, it's so much fun! Moving on...) "That stupid, git!" fumed James. "What kind of moron does he think would fall for those soppy lines?"  
"Let's curse him!" Sirius beamed.  
"Be reasonable," Remus said hopelessly.  
"I am being reasonable! Cursing him is the most logic thing to do."  
"Let's make him get a pimple every time he tries to talk to Lily!" James exclaimed. Remus attempted to keep a straight face, and Sirius exploded with laughter until he was cut-off because Peter suddenly started talking.  
  
"Are you ready to go back up to the room?" Peter asked, cluelessly.  
"Yeah!" exclaimed James. "We can go to the common room and tie them all up...and then we can torture them...with lots of pranks...and potions...hehehe..."  
"Prongs, calm down."  
"Yeah, Prongsy," Sirius began. "Just because your mortal enemy is sharing a common room with you, the girl of you dreams hates your guts, and now your enemy has decided he fancies the girl your in love with, doesn't mean your life is completely over." James started whimpering and Lupin broke the awkward situation by telling Sirius to shut his mouth and Peter to get a glass of water for James and meet them back up in the common room.  
  
James began to twitch and thrash around violently. Lupin attempted to calm him down, Sirius grabbed him by the arms, and they attempted to haul him towards the common room. They stopped abruptly when their destination was in sight, because they saw Lucius in front of the door, with Lily by his side. "It was wonderful talking to you, Lily." "The pleasure was mine! I don't know how you managed to get James off my back, but you did. I am forever in your debt," Lily said, curtseying. She smiled warmly and put her hand on his shoulder.  
  
Meanwhile, James's eyes were bugging out of his head, and it was taking every ounce will power from Sirius, Lupin, and himself to keep Lucius from being attacked. Lily said goodbye to Lucius and went back to her own common room. Malfoy, quite pleased with himself, walked over to James and made sure to inform him that Lily was a sweet person once you get to know her, for a Mudblood, that is. Lupin and Sirius had a very hard time keeping James still after that remark, but once Lucius disappeared into the common room, the struggle was over.  
  
One Week Later  
  
A/N: Sorry for the jump, but when I wrote the week, it was horribly boring and retarded...so enjoy the good part of the chapter...  
  
"Oh Merlin..." Lupin gasped as Peter informed him of the news. "What is it?!" snarled James.  
"Er...James?" Peter said squeamishly. "I just found out some bad news..."  
"Spit it out, Wormtail!" Sirius growled.  
"Er—I just overheard—er—Malfoy and Lily talking—and er—well..."  
"Just get it over with, Peter," Lupin said morbidly.  
"Thregoinhogsmeadegethr," Peter mumbled quickly. "What?" asked Sirius. "Thregointohogsmeadegethr." "Huh?" "They—are—going—to—Hogs—meade—togeth—er." Lupin explained rather slowly.  
  
"THEY'RE WHAT?!" screamed James, obviously horrified at the mere thought. "James. James Potter, listen to me," Remus crooned. "You need to get a hold of yourself. It is only one date. It doesn't mean anything."  
"One date that I'm not going on with Lily! One date that Lily couldn't bear to go on with me! One date that will cost Lucius his life!!!" James finished with a scream.  
"Whoa there, tiger!" Sirius said lightly. "Correction—deer-boy—well anyway. There's no need to snipe. Lily and Malfoy are going to go on that date regardless if it kills you...actually, they'll definitely go on the date if it kills you..."  
"Not helping, Padfoot," reprimanded Lupin. "Look, James, if you can handle this calmly and not—I repeat not—kill Lucius, Lily might go out with you. Of course, you'll have to act like a gentleman. Which means, you cannot hex people—including the Slytherins."  
"They're not people!" Sirius barked defiantly.  
"They're people to Lucius, meaning they're people to Lily," Lupin explained firmly.  
"If you can get Lily to date me, I'll do anything, Moony."  
  
The Night Before Hogsmeade...  
  
"Alice, Molly, do you think I should wear my red or purple robes tomorrow?" asked Lily.  
"Red," responded Alice.  
"Purple," stated Molly.  
  
"Stalemate," grumbled Lily. "I think I'll just wear this blue one."  
"You should put your hair in a bun," remarked Alice.  
"Why are you going to Hogsmeade with Lucius?" interrogated Molly. "I thought you hated him almost as much as James."  
"Well, I did, but he's been so sweet lately. What's the harm in going on a date with a nice guy?"  
"Since when is Lucius, a nice guy? Don't tell me you've fallen for that dribble!" scolded Molly as she clicked her tongue reprovingly.  
"Even Frank could see through that skimpy disguise!" Alice added disdainfully.  
"I'm not thick! I know he's being insincere, but as long as he's being nice, I might as well enjoy it. Besides," she added with a wink, "after all of that time as a Quidditch beater, he's developed quite a fit body."  
  
A/N: Party! I'm finally done with my 3rd chapter. Next Chapter: Will Prongs be able to control his temper? Will Lucius win Lily's heart?  
  
Future Events: Halloween Dance...and there is going to be a disguise spell placed on all of the attendee's, so nobody will recognize each other. Who will be Lily's date? 


	4. Hectic Hogsmeade

Author's Notes: Hey! I don't own any of the characters. Please review my story! Tell me if you like it...or if you don't...(but I know you all love it) ; ) Enjoy this next chapter!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Lily was wandering around near the lake, where she was supposed to meet Malfoy, as she grew more doubtful with every second he hadn't shown up. 'I can't believe I fell for that façade. I should have known he would never show up. Lucius Malfoy is just as bad as James Potter. That's it. I'm going back inside in 5...4...3...2—.'  
  
"There you are, Lily!" Malfoy said, interrupting her thoughts. "I'm sorry I'm late. I was just giving directions to a 3rd year."  
  
"I'm sure," Lily replied while rolling her eyes.  
  
"It's ok if you don't believe me. I'm not looking to make up excuses. I should have come down here immediately. It was rude of me to keep you waiting," Malfoy rambled.   
  
"Let's just go, Lucius," Lily said as she turned away from him and began to walk.  
  
"Lily, wait up!" he bellowed, running over to her side. She stopped for a moment and stared into the Forbidden Forest.  
  
"What is it?" Malfoy asked impatiently  
  
"I could have sworn that deer just winked at me," Lily explained.  
  
"You mean the deer that's insipidly munching on that blade of grass?" he asked mockingly.  
  
"Maybe my mind was just playing tricks on me. Anyway, where are we going?"  
  
"We," he began, taking hold of her hand, "are going to go to the most romantic place in Hogsmeade."   
  
"The Shrieking Shack?" she asked, sounding hopeful.  
  
"You can sit down and relax. I'll get our drinks," Malfoy crooned to Lily when they reached Madame Puddifoot's.  
  
"Thanks," she replied, sitting in a booth for two in front of the window. Unbeknownst to Lily, Lucius's good friend, Severus Snape, served drinks for Madame Puddifoot.   
  
"Did you get the drinks I asked for?" whispered Lucius as he leaned closer to Snape.  
  
"Yeah. You wanted two of the Lovebird Bath drinks, and one of them is supposed to be spiked with Love Potion and Ditz Draught," Snape said, and then added grimly, "Would you like fries with that, sir?"  
  
"Very funny. Can you just give me the drinks so I can go?" Lucius snapped.  
  
"Jeez, bite my head off, will you? Take them and leave."  
  
"Here you are, my dear," said Malfoy.  
  
"What's in it?" she asked.  
  
Malfoy unbuttoned the robe near his neck and replied, "Er—just strawberry and kiwi. Nothing to worry about, just muggle fruits."  
  
"That's my favorite!" Lily said as she took a large gulp of her tampered drink.  
  
"Do you like it?" asked Malfoy anxiously as he moved closer to her.  
  
"It's very good. It was so thoughtful of you to find out my favorite drink, Lucius!"  
  
"Well, I wanted everything to be perfect for us," he replied pleasantly.  
  
Everything in Lily's world seemed to be melting away as she looked into Lucius's gray eyes. 'I shouldn't be thinking like that. Lucius is so selfish and cruel, but then again, he has been nothing but a gentleman all day—and yesterday! And why shouldn't I fall in love with him. Even Dumbledore said—Lucius's hair is so amazing—wait what am I thinking? He's a Slytherin for Merlin's sake! But Dumbledore did say that the houses shouldn't be a barrier between friendships and love.'  
  
'I should take his picture and send it in to Witch Weekly's Hottest Guys, maybe he'll win. Oh, I bet he will—just look at his arm muscles! Focus, Lily! You do not like Lucius Malfoy. What about all of those times he's called you a "filthy mudblood"? Maybe he's changed. Besides, he's good-looking, sweet, handsome, has a great body, and his eyes are so—'  
  
"Lily?" Malfoy interrupted.  
  
"Huh—sorry—what?"  
  
"Well, you just seemed so distant. Were you thinking about something?" he asked as he brushed the hair out of her eyes.  
  
"No—well, yeah. I was just thinking about how handsome you look in dark green."  
  
Under James's invisibility cloak  
  
"I think I'm going to be sick!" Sirius said with a disgusted look on his face.  
  
"YOU?!" James snapped. "I'm the one in love with her! I'm the one that isn't just trying to use her. I sincerely care about her, and Malfoy comes along and just sweeps her off her feet in how long?"  
  
"Prongs, calm down," Lupin hissed. "You have to keep a level head if you want Lily to stop hating you—and for Merlin's sake—stop shaking! You're making me nauseous."   
  
"Hey!" squeaked Peter. "It's not James's fault you're nauseous. The full moon is in 3 nights."  
  
"That gives me an idea!" Sirius began.  
  
"No!" Lupin shouted, cutting him off.  
  
"You don't even know what I was going to say."  
  
"No!" Lupin said firmly.  
  
"My idea is," Sirius said sharply, "that we could lock Malfoy in the Shrieking Shack in, I don't know, 3 nights?"  
  
"I like that idea," James whispered.  
  
"No!" Lupin repeated.  
  
"Can we put Crabbe and Goyle in too?" Peter pleaded.  
  
"And Snivellus!" James added.  
  
"What part of no don't you people understand?"  
  
"Ok—fine—Mr. Grumpy-wolf!" Sirius scoffed.  
  
In Madame Puddifoot's  
  
Lily started to blush and bury her head in her hands until Malfoy interrupted by telling her that her robes looked wonderful on her, which in turn, resulted in more blushing. Lucius decided to test out Snape's Love Potion. He put his arm around Lily and she responded by leaning her head on his shoulder without bothering to think. Lily didn't know how much time had passed, but when she started focusing in on what Lucius was saying, and not just the mesmerizing sound of his voice, she became aggravated.   
  
"—I, for one, think that proposal should have gone through," Lucius finished.  
  
"What proposal?" Lily asked perplexedly.   
  
"Haven't you been listening to a word I've been saying for the past half hour?" he said while glaring at the top of her head.  
  
"Well—er—not really—I was listening to the sound of your voice not what that dashing voice of yours was droning on about."  
  
"I guess I'll forgive you. I was talking about the proposal to have Muggles classified as animals. I wish that proposal would have gone through."  
  
"What's a proposal?"  
  
"What the heck?!" Lucius said under his breath. "I think Snapey may have added too much Ditz Draught in your drink."  
  
"Huh?" Lily asked.  
  
"Nothing, dear."  
  
"Deer are cute!" Lily exclaimed.  
  
"Can't you focus?"  
  
"On what, sweetie?"  
  
"The proposal, so that we can hunt Muggles. It could be turned into a competitive sport."  
  
"What do you mean by hunt?"  
  
"Kill—hex—maim—destroy!" Lucius hissed as he began to cackle.  
  
"WHAT?!" Lily shrieked. "I can't believe you would say something like that! My parents are both Muggles!"  
  
"But it'll be a game."  
  
"Oh! I'm sorry I didn't trust you, Lucius. I can be such a ditz, sometimes," Lily giggled.  
  
"Would you excuse me for a moment?" Lucius asked politely.  
  
"Of course, but don't be too long. I'll miss you."  
  
"SNAPE!" Lucius bellowed.   
  
"Yes?" he replied innocently.  
  
"How much Ditz Draught did I tell you to add to Lily's drink?" barked Malfoy.  
  
"Um—er—5 drops?"  
  
"5?!" Lucius snapped. I told you to add one drop of Ditz Draught! She's a walking Narcissa Black for Merlin's sake!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"I didn't come for apologizes give me the antidote!" Lucius said as Severus handed him a small piece of chocolate. "What's this?"  
  
"The antidote," Snape replied. "All you have to do is give this to Lily. It'll only take about 30 seconds until she's back to normal."  
  
"As normal as a mudblood can be." Malfoy walked away from Snape and stopped a few steps away from the table.  
  
A few seconds earlier underneath the invisibility cloak  
  
"What's Snape doing there?" Lupin questioned analytically. "And what is he giving to Lucius? He served their drinks, too."  
  
"Maybe he spiked them!" Peter suggested.  
  
"What a sneaky git!" Sirius barked.  
  
"That's it! I'm going to stop him, this instant!" James screamed boldly. James ran out of the invisibility cloak and into Madame Puddifoot's, fuming. "MALFOY!" James hollered, and Malfoy stopped a few feet away from the table.  
  
Present...  
  
"Lily! That chocolate has been tampered with!" James explained.  
  
Lily giggled and then responded. "Your hair looks funny. Lucius's hair is perfect. Yours is messy."  
  
"What the heck did you do to her, Malfoy?"  
  
"The question is what you did to her, Jamie," Lucius quipped.  
  
"What's in that chocolate?" James asked suspiciously.  
  
"An anti-dote for a Ditz Draught that you slipped into Lily's drink earlier," lied Lucius as he took a step towards Lily and handed her the chocolate.  
  
"Don't eat that, Lily!" James shouted as he lunged forward. He was too late. Lily had already eaten the chocolate, and was slowly regaining her brainpower.   
  
"James!" she shrieked once the anti-dote had kicked-in. "What are you doing here? I'm trying to spend time with my handsome boyfriend!"  
  
"B—boy—fr—friend?!" James stuttered in disbelief.  
  
"Yes," Lily hissed, "boyfriend. My boyfriend, Lucius Malfoy!"  
  
"James, I've told you before: leave Lily alone," Malfoy replied.  
  
"You leave her alone, Malfoy! What else did you decide to slip into her drink, huh?" he said as he approached Malfoy and grabbed him around the neck.  
  
"James!" Lily said in shock. "Get your hands off of him!" Before disaster erupted completely, Sirius and Lupin intervened. Lupin used a separating spell, and Sirius assisted him by pulling James off of Malfoy before he murdered.  
  
"Prongs, we need to leave, now!" Lupin said fiercely. The three marauders left Madame Puddifoot's and joined Peter in their common room.  
  
"Lucius," Lily asked, "can we leave now? I had a great time with you, but I'm exhausted."  
  
"Of course. I'll walk you to your room." They both walked out the door, holding hands. After three minutes of walking they were in the school's entrance. Malfoy noticed a flyer lying on the ground, so he picked it up.  
  
"What is it?" Lily questioned after a few seconds. Malfoy handed it to her and she was quite surprised to see what it said.  
  
Dear 6th and 7th year Hogwarts students,  
  
This year the faculty and I have decided to add to our co-operation program by holding a Masquerade Ball for those interested. There will be an amnesia spell placed on the Great Hall, to prevent any predetermined dislike towards students of different houses. You will all have a clean slate to make new friends or even old friends. Nobody will have dates, as they will not be able to remember any acquaintances. The only thing you will be able to remember on the night of October 31, will be your personal information. However, you will regain all previous knowledge at the end of the evening.  
  
Author's Notes: Well that's it (for this chapter anyway) I know that it was really long, but I wanted to include this letter before I ended it.   
  
Next Chapter: The Masquerade Ball and hopefully misunderstandings and hilarious irony...  
  
Upcoming events: Um...I don't know yet...I'm going to give Remus and Sirius bigger parts, and Lily more of a personality...but other than that I don't really know... 


	5. Love, Hate, and Amnesia

Author's Notes: I don't own any characters. Please, I beg you: review my fanfic! PLEASE!!! Moving on, it's the night of the Halloween Dance.  
  
Chapter Five  
  
"So," Sirius asked nonchalantly, "when do we lose our memory?"  
  
"I've already told you: when we step into the Great Hall," Remus answered, for the third time.  
  
"Oh, right."  
  
"This is going to be great!" James said exuberantly. "I can get Lily to dance with me because she won't know me!"  
  
Remus sighed and then reminded him, "You won't know her either."  
  
"Even with an amnesia spell, James will still remember Lily Evans," Sirius said grumpily. "He'll be more likely to forget his own name, rather than hers."  
  
Peter started chortling until James glared venomously in his and Sirius's directions.  
  
"Sorry," Peter squealed.  
  
In Lily's room  
  
"—and did I mention handsome?" Lily rambled as she laid her head on her pillow.  
  
"YES!" Alice and Molly screamed together.  
  
"Could you please shut your mouth about Lucius Malfoy?" Alice moaned.  
  
"That's not how you get her to shut up, Alice," Molly said with her hands on her hips. "Lily, you sound a lot like James Potter when you ramble on about the person you're in love with."  
  
"Take that back!" Lily shrieked springing off of her bed to glower at Molly.  
  
"At least she has some grasp on reality," Molly sighed. "I swear to Merlin that she was drugged or something!"  
  
"Not true!" Lily said defiantly. "Just because I realized how charming, sweet, and gorgeous Lucius is, doesn't mean that I'm under a spell."  
  
In Malfoy's room  
  
"Severus," Lucius asked, "how can I make sure I spend time with Lily and get her to fall in love with me again? The Love Potion won't work with the amnesia spell Dumbledore is placing on the Great Hall."  
  
"I know!" Snape snapped. "I could make a Protection Potion for you, but even then, there are no guarantees. Dumbledore is one of the most powerful wizards alive!"  
  
"Don't remind me, and start making the potion. Is that the only thing you're able to do—make potions?" Snape started to cry and ran out of the room.  
  
In the Great Hall  
  
James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter went to the Great Hall early to be sure they would meet again. Because they were the only ones there, they were almost guaranteed to talk to each other.  
  
"Hi!" Sirius said sounding as though he had chugged a gallon of Red Bull.  
  
"Hi," James said boldly as he stuck out his hand towards Sirius. "I'm James, James Potter.  
  
"Sirius Black, prankster extraordinaire. Guess what!"  
  
"What?" James questioned.  
  
"I just drank 10 cans of Red Bull and 5 cups of coffee!" Sirius boasted.  
  
"That's nice," Remus said hesitantly as he stuck his hands inside his robe pockets and looked down at his feet.  
  
"I'm Peter Pettigrew," he said diffidently.  
  
"Remus Lupin."  
  
"Do you want to hang out at this ball?" Remus asked hopefully.  
  
"Are you kidding? I want to snog some ladies!" Sirius shouted in disbelief.  
  
"L—Laura—Liz—," James muttered to himself. "Linda—Lisa—."  
  
"What's wrong with him?" Remus asked sounding worried as he pointed towards James, still muttering.  
  
At that moment, Lily Evans entered the Great Hall wearing green dress robes. Her red hair was clipped in the back of her head with Sleezky's Hair Potion, and the strands that were not, had been loosely curled. James immediately forgot everything he had been muttering and was stunned at the girl's beauty. He didn't know who she was, but he immediately fell in love with her bright green eyes, red hair, and salient smile.  
  
"Hi!" James shouted as he bolted across the Great Hall towards her.  
  
"Er—hi," she replied bewildered. "I'm Lily Evans."  
  
"Lily! That's it!" James exclaimed happily.  
  
"What's it?"  
  
"I was trying to think of your name, only I didn't know what name or whose it was," James rambled and then quickly changed the subject.  
  
"I'm James," he beamed. James ignored her outstretched hand and wrapped her into a hug.  
  
"I—can't—breathe," Lily gasped.  
  
"S—sorry." James began to blush and was extremely relieved when Remus, Sirius, and Peter joined he and Lily.  
  
"Who are you?" Lily asked.  
  
"I'm Sirius and I'm addicted to CAFFEINE!" he said and stuck out his hand for Lily to shake, but instead she waved nervously and took a step towards James.  
  
"P—Peter P—Pettigrew," he stammered.  
  
"Remus Lupin," he replied calmly. "And you are..."  
  
"Lily Evans."  
  
"Oh!" Sirius responded. "You must be that 'L—Laura—Liz— Linda—Lisa—' girl that Jamesy over here was muttering about earlier." James immediately turned the color of Lily's hair.  
  
"So I've heard," she replied unfazed and then turned to face James. Do you want to sit down with me?"  
  
"YES!" James hollered. "I mean—ahem—er—sure, if you want to." Lily spotted a table in the back. James pulled out Lily's seat for her, and then he politely offered to get them both punch as the hall began to fill up rapidly.  
  
Malfoy was waiting for Snape impatiently outside of the Halloween Dance. He was about to start hexing all of the Gryffindors that walked by him, when Snape came running down the hall waving a pen in the air.  
  
"This is the solution," Severus said confidently, handing the pen to Lucius.  
  
"The solution to what—the fact that I'm allergic to quills," Malfoy asked mockingly.  
  
"The solution to the Amnesia Spell. You can write instructions on your hand, and then when you walk into the Great Hall, you'll read it and then follow your instructions."  
  
"What happened to the potion?" Malfoy interrogated fiercely.  
  
"Well, let's just say this might work a little better," Snape said timidly as he turned around to reveal a cat's tail sprouting from his bottom. "And that Dumbledore doesn't exactly trust his students.  
  
"Let's just get in there," Malfoy sighed as he scribbled 'Seduce Lily (the red head)' onto the palm of his hand.  
  
After much difficulty, Lucius finally made his way to the table Lily was sitting alone at. He swiftly took the seat in front of her and began to speak, "I'm Lucius Malfoy—meaning I'm a pureblood. I'm assuming you are too, of course."  
  
"Actually, I'm not," Lily replied tranquilly. When Malfoy's eyes bugged out of his head, she added, "I'm Muggle-born."  
  
James was busy pouring a second glass of punch a few yards away when he spotted some bleached-blonde guy sitting with Lily. He swiftly started to go back to his table and stopped a couple of inches away from Lily because he heard the most appalling thing come out of the blonde's mouth. "Gross! You're a mudblood!" he roared at Lily.  
  
"You can't talk to her that way! I swear to Merlin that I'll hex you into next week if you come near us again!" James growled as he put one arm around her and his other arm pointed towards Malfoy, wand in hand. Lucius, being the coward that he is, simply glared and then skulked away.  
  
"I can't believe that prat!" Lily spat as James sat down next to her. "And what's with his hair? It's freaking radioactive."  
  
"Tell me about it. How dare he call you that?!" James grumbled. "Why don't we try and forget about that. Would you like to dance?" He held out his hand for Lily and she hastily took his hand. They walked out to the dance floor as a fast song ended, and a romantic slow one took its place. James was tense and uneasy because he wasn't good at dancing, but he forgot about that once Lily leaned her head against his chest and they were swept into the soothing nature of the song. A few minutes later the song had ended and they returned to their table. There were no lulls in their conversations or awkward silences, because they seemed to have almost everything in common. Also, James was pleased to find out that one of Lily's favorite pastimes was watching Quidditch.  
  
"I was wondering," James began, "if you like Quidditch so much, you might like to fly with me tomorrow."  
  
"I have to admit, I'm not too keen on heights."  
  
"Don't worry," James said sweetly, "I would never let any harm come to you."  
  
"In that case, I'd love to fly with you."  
  
They kept moving closer to each other until Lily finally leaned towards James and begun to kiss him. Alas, at that very moment, the dance had ended and they regained all of their previous memories.  
  
Lily slowly opened her eyes and found her lips pressed against James's and his arms around her.  
  
"AAHH!" she shrieked as she pulled away from him.  
  
"Huh?" he asked, and then quickly regained his senses. "Lily?!" he said and stared in disbelief at who he had just been kissing.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU KISS ME?!" Lily yelped as she slapped his across the face.  
  
"If I recall correctly, you were the one that kissed me!" James retorted as he grinned from ear-to-ear.  
  
"SHUT UP!" Lily screamed as she raised her hand in order to hit him again. Someone from behind her back grabbed her hand as James retreated under the table with Quidditch-fast reflexes. James peered from under the table at his rescuer, Sirius Black.  
  
"Lily, calm down," cooed Remus. "It's not James's fault you were attracted to each other under Dumbledore's Amnesia Spell."  
  
"ARGH!" she yelled, stomping her feet. "I can't stand you people! You Sirius, are an ignorant prat; Remus, you, should be smart enough to not hang out with these gits, and you, James, are a self-absorbed, rule-breaking, egotistical NARK!"  
  
"Hey!" complained Sirius. "Why did you give a compliment to Moony?" The only response Sirius received, was a wand pointed at his heart and an angry red head incoherently screaming things at him.  
  
"So, Lily," James interrupted, in an attempt to distract her from killing his friend, "does this mean you don't want to ride on my Cleansweep tomorrow, then?"  
  
"What do you think?!" she shouted as she stormed out of the Great Hall.  
  
"I think that went very well, don't you?" Sirius asked innocently. Remus merely rolled his eyes and turned to go to their common room and was accompanied by a still smirking, James, and the other marauders.  
  
Author's Notes: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please REVIEW!!!  
  
Next Chapter: Lucius is in for a rude awakening when Lily spots him in the hall. Will Lily's friends convince her that James is a nice guy? Or will nothing convince the stubborn Lily?  
  
Future Events: Christmas presents!!! Do I need to say anymore? evil grin 


	6. Love and a Picnic

_**Author's Notes: OMG! Thank you guys so much for reviewing my story! BTW if you have any ideas or pranks, etc. just tell me, and I'll gladly incorporate any ideas. I don't own any characters...so without further ado, I give you CHAPTER SIX!!! (drum roll)**_

Chapter 6

'_What am I going to do? I **kissed** James Potter—egocentric, infuriating, James Potter,' _pondered Lily as she tossed and turned in her twin bed. It was 3 in the morning, and Lily still couldn't fall asleep. The events of last night, the Halloween Ball, kept replaying in her mind; The way James was so welcoming and considerate—the way he stood up for her—the way Lucius Malfoy, her new infatuation, hurt her with those spiteful words—everything.

She seemed to be in a vortex of emotions, nothing seemed to make sense. What she thought was so clear and concise, seemed to be jumbled and a blur of fervor. Among the things that distressed her, was that _Lucius Malfoy_, the person whose charm she immediately fell in love with, was the one that caused her the most pain. Looks can be deceiving, and when the perfect words are uttered, it can be outright blinding.

'_3:15,'_ thought Lily, '_and I still can't sleep. In a few hours, I'll go to the library, but until then I may as well relax by the common room fire. _Lily got out of bed, took a quick shower, got dressed, and went to the common room. She took her favorite seat, a maroon reclining chair that faced the fire, and fumbled around for a few seconds until she found her wand. "Ignito," she whispered nonchalantly, and the fireplace ignited. Lily sat there, listening to the crackles of the fire, for 3 hours. She was quite confused, because she didn't realize had fallen asleep part of the way through observing the fire.

Before she had time to analyze things further, Paige Parkinson had come down the stairs. "Lily," she said spitefully, "Lucius wants to meet you in his common room. He's been in there all morning, unable to sleep because of what he said to you, and he wants to talk to you."

"That doesn't mean I want to talk to him, or even _look _at him for that matter, not after what he said to me."

"Oh please," Paige retorted, rolling her eyes and pushing Lily out the door, "like _you've_ never said anything rude, you regretted and felt guilty about later. Just go—besides, you might just get to see your beloved, Potter, while your there." Lily didn't have time to scream all the things that rushed through her mind at Paige because of her last comment, because she was already in the hall.

_'I'm going to get that Paige for this. I don't want to talk to Lucius. He called me a mudblood, which proves that he really doesn't care about me. If he did, he wouldn't hold anything against muggle-borns.' _Lily was now standing in front of a painting with an emerald-green serpent with silver eyes, slithering on the ground towards a dark red lion, with a golden mane, facing it with teeth bared and growling ferociously, the common room door.

The door swung open and a hopeful blonde stood in the doorway. He extended his hand towards Lily, to lead her inside, but she barged through him and into the common room.

"Lily," he began sounding desperate, "I can explain."

"Really?" she asked sharply, "I can't wait to hear your insane excuses."

"I know that I called you a mud—" Lucius stopped before he finished the word because Lily looked as if she were about to pounce and maul him to death. "I know that by saying what I did, I insulted you, your family, all muggle-borns alike."

"No?" Lily asked, sarcasm dripping from her voice. "I had no idea that you did all that. It's not like that comment was directed towards _me_ or anything."

"Just let me finish."

"And why should I?!"

"Because I just want to make things right between us, or at least not _wrong,_" Lucius said almost shouting."I did thing that muggle-borns were scum and not as good as pure-bloods _before I met you._" You made me realize that muggle-borns were the same. You were so beautiful and smart—you were the one I fell in love with—you were the one that made me see it doesn't matter what your blood is."

"As touching as that is," she snorted, "it doesn't change the fact that you were so inconsiderate and horrible to me last night."

"Let me make it up to you," Lucius pleaded.

"How?" she asked skeptically.

"A picnic," Lucius concluded.

"How is a _picnic_ going to fix things?"

"It's a very muggle-like thing to do, isn't it?"

"And?"

"And, if I learn more about muggles, it might help me understand and appreciate them and their traditions."

"If I go on this picnic with you, will you leave me alone?" Lily asked.

"If that's what you want," Malfoy said, hanging his head in defeat.

It was noon, and Lily was just leaving her common room to meet Malfoy for their picnic. To her surprise, he was already waiting outside her door, with a bouquet of white roses in his hand.

"For you, my lady," he said with utmost sincerity as he handed her the roses.

"Thank you, Lucius," she replied, smiling slightly.

"Shall we?" he asked as he held out his hand for her to take.

"Yes," Lily responded, taking his hand, "we shall." They walked outside and stopped on the side of the pond. Malfoy, amazingly, didn't use any magic for the picnic. He already had a red and white checkered blanket spread out on the ground, and a brown basket filled with grapes, sandwiches, chips, and mug of steaming hot chocolate. They sat down and talked, their conversation had many gaps and awkward silences, not like when she had talked to James at the Halloween Ball.

They had been sitting down for nearly 30 minutes, when Lucius poured her a large cup of hot chocolate and walked her back to her room. (A/N: so how many of you people can put 2 and 2 together? hint hint hot chocolate think hogsmeade cough tampered with cough ok, I give up.)

"I'm really glad we got to spend some time together," Lucius said sweetly, "You have no idea how much this meant to me."

"The pleasure is mine, Lucius," Lily replied. "I had a great time on our picnic. I still can't believe you didn't use any magic!"

"Lily, I was wondering, would you be my girlfriend?"

"How could I refuse?" she asked. Lily hugged him goodbye, and he went back to his room.

Lucius walked in the door to the common room and was greeted by some interesting things.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, MALFOY!" James bellowed while attempting to charge at him. He wasn't able to because Lupin and Sirius were busy holding him back.

"What's wrong with _you_?!" Lucius asked snidely. "Black break up with you?" James replied to this with incoherent cursing and Sirius loosening his grip on one of James's arms.

"PADFOOT!" Lucius reprimanded, angrily. "Hold him back—he could kill Malfoy!"

"Merlin forbid," he retorted, scathingly. "I hate this bloody nark. I'm more inclined to help James ambush this bloody git, than help save Malfoy!"

"What would Lily think," Remus hissed into James's ear.

"I—don't—care—what—Lily—bloody—thinks—this—bloody—prat—is—going—to—die!" James glowered as he broke free of them and charged at Malfoy, who bravely squealed and dove behind a chair.

"Speaking of Lily," Lucius taunted, "she just agreed to be my girlfriend."

"WHAT?!" James shrieked. "NO SHE DIDN'T, SHE WOULDN'T. Not after what you said to her. The only way she'd date you, is if you slipped Love Potion...into...her...drink..." he thought aloud.

"What are you going to do about it? She's smitten with me!"

"I'll tell you what I'll bloody do about it; I'm going to kill you! AVADA KE—"

"GO PRONGS!" Sirius shouted encouragingly. "Ow!" he whined as Remus slapped him upside his head.

"JAMES POTTER!" Lupin hollered. "DON'T YOU DARE USE AN UNFORGIVABLE, YOU BLOODY LUNATIC!" Remus then lunged towards James and tackled him to the ground in a vain attempt to wrestle his wand away from him, while Malfoy ran, full-speed, towards his room and slammed the door.

"Calm down," Remus said as he pinned James to the ground.

"Get off of me," snapped James.

"I will when you let go of your wand," Remus retorted.

"Prongs," Sirius said while massaging his head, where Lupin had whacked him, "the sooner you relax, the sooner we can go talk some logic into your one and only."

"Fine," James growled.

"And Remus, mate," Sirius added, "you hit bloody hard!"

"Sorry," Lupin mumbled as he turned red. "I work out."

"Speaking of which, Moony," James gasped, "would you get off me. I can't breathe!"

"Sorry," Remus said as he jumped away from James.

Author's Notes: Just so you people know: this chapter was really short, but just because I want to have an extra-long date and a surprise at the end....so it's going to be really good. Also, I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while b/c I was camping in Erie...and next week is band camp!!! GO CLARINETS! _Focusing..._anyway I'll try to post before Sunday...

Next Chapter: Lily and Lucius go on a date...Sirius decides to step in...whoohooo foreshadooooooowwwwwiiiiiiiing!!!! hahaha well anyway...

Events to come: Will somebody get sent to the future???? (well of course, why would I ask it if somebody didn't) hehehe it should be funny!


	7. Black Dog

Author's Notes: Thanks for reviewing...if you have any suggestions tell me and I'll add it. I don't own the characters...Enjoy CHAPTER SEVEN!!!

Chapter Seven

"Would you grace me with your presence at the Quidditch match today, Lily?" Lucius crooned as he sat down next to her in the Great Hall during lunch.

"I suppose so. Who's playing?" Lily responded nonchalantly while buttering a piece of toast.

"Griffindor versus Hufflepuff. Honestly, don't you pay attention?" Malfoy wondered aloud.

"I don't pay much attention to the game, that's all," Lily replied sounding sour.

"I'll stop by your room in about an hour. We can get there a bit early to find seats," Lucius concluded and left the Great Hall without a second glance.

Lucius was gazing intently at the intricate painting outside Lily's common room. It showed a Lioness sitting serenely with a Raven perched upon the Lioness's shoulder. He assumed that meant the two houses inside the rooms were getting along well. He snapped out of his contemplation when the Lioness let out a low growl to show her irritation at him.

"What do you want, boy?" the Lioness snarled at Malfoy who had taken a step away from the portrait as she stood up.

"Ooo—I believe this widdle boy is scaw-wed of you!" the raven cried mockingly.

"I'm just here to see Lily!" Lucius defended as he raised his wand threateningly.

"Of course you are, dear," the Lioness spoke evenly. "Surely you don't expect that dinky little wand to protect you—of course I don't see what you need protecting from, we won't hurt you. I only want to be sure that a slithering, sneaky little snake like you doesn't harm any of my little Lionesses."

"Hey!" Malfoy snapped, "I'm not a—a—whatever-you-said! Just get Lily! We'll be late for the match!"

"Ooo—the boys got a temper!" the raven pointed out obnoxiously. She received a snarl from the Lioness. "Very well. I'll go get her while you watch, blondie-bear, over here," with that, she flew back through the portrait and into another picture in Lily's room.

"Yes?" Lily asked as she finished putting on shimmering gold eye shadow.

"Blondie-bear's here to see you. He's quite the _pill_, isn't he?" the crow analyzed.

"He means well, and he _is_ a nice boy, wants you get to know him..." Lily trailed off and walked towards the portrait door.

In the stands before the Quidditch game... 

"I want a clean game!" shouted Madame Hooch. "Three, two, one, GO!" She released the Quidditch balls into the air.

"The Quaffle is snatched up by James Potter! Tough luck, Hufflepuff!" Arthur Weasley beamed. "Potter—Longbottom—Potter—SCORE!"

"Stupid prat, Potter!" Lucius grumbled.

"As much as I hate him, he is a bravura Chaser," Lily sighed.

"All I can say, is that Hufflepuff had better get in there and settle the score. I couldn't stand it if Potter managed to scrape up another victory for the Griffindors," Malfoy said with disdain.

"I'm going to go to the lavatory," Lily told Malfoy and left the match. She was almost at her destination, when a voice called out to her.

"Li—il-lyyyy," the voice called, "this is your conscience—ouch! I stubbed my toe!"

"Huh?" Lily asked, no longer scared, but bored. "I didn't know my _conscience_ was clumsy..." she mused.

"Of _course_ I'm clumsy!" the voice said matter-of-factly. "Why _else_ would I accidentally let you agree to dating a certain git, named Lucius Malfoy!"

"Who are you?" Lily asked suspiciously.

"Your con—sci—ence!" the voice sounded out for her.

"Of course," Lily said, rolling her eyes, "and I'm going to marry James, and you'll be the godfather of my child."

"I _am _your conscience and yes, you _are_ going to marry James. As soon as we can get rid of that bloody nark!" the voice snapped.

"James?" Lily asked.

"Hey!" the voice complained irritably, "I'm referring to Malfoy as the bloody nark!"

"So you're _not_ James, because he's playing Quidditch right now," Lily pondered. "You're not Pettigrew, he's too fat and stupid; you're not Lupin, because he's too mature and civil. So that means, that the only dolt left in the marauders, would be you, Sirius." She put her hands on her hips and glared into the direction where the voice was coming from.

"Oh bloody hell!" Sirius moaned as Lily turned to get away from him and went into the Girls Lavatory. "Wait, just hear me out!"

"And why should I?" asked Lily from inside the girl's lavatory.

"Because Malfoy is slipping something into your drink to make you like him!" Sirius retorted and then burst open the bathroom door and immediately got slapped by Lily.

"OOOUUUCHH!" Sirius whined. "What was that for?"

"Number 1: You're accusing Lucius of horrible things that he would never do. Number 2: I hate James, and you're crazy to think that we could ever be together. And number 3: You're in a GIRLS LAVATORY!"

"What about what he said to you at the Halloween Ball?" Sirius quipped.

"He told me that when he met me, he realized that muggle-borns were no different. And since he didn't technically know me, he didn't have that view."

"And what about James. A little birdie told me you to shared a few dances and a _kiss_!" Sirius said grinning widely and received another slap.

"I didn't know any better!" Lily hissed.

"Don't you see, if you would just wake up and smell the coffee—coffee! I like coffee, it has caffeine!" Sirius rambled until Lily intervened by giving him, yet another slap.

"Ouch! Sorry, focusing. Even _after_ the amnesia spell, James _still_ remembered your name. Now that is dedication."

"He had no thoughts to erase in the first place!" Lily remarked.

"You fell in love with him! Admit it!" he quarreled.

"SIRIUS! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Lily screamed and ran into a stall and locked the door.

"L—ii—ll—yy," he griped. "Would you please just listen to me? If you don't I'll sing."

"I don't care!" she said defiantly.

"Very well. _Hey, hey, mama, said the way you move, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove! Oh, oh, child, way you shake that thing, gonna make you burn, gonna make you sting! Hey, hey, baby, when you walk that way, watch your honey drip, can't keep away!_"

"Shut up!" Lily screamed as she hit her head against the wall.

"_OH YEAH, OH YEAH, AH, AH, AH!!!! AH YEAH, AH YEAH, AH, AH, AH!!!"_ wailed Sirius as he did his best Jimmy Page impression and Lily screamed. "_I gotta roll, can't stand still, got a flame in my heart, can't get my fill! Eyes that shine burning red, dreams of you all through my head!!!" _

"_OH YEAH, OH YEAH, AH—"_

"Fine! FINE! JUST PLEASE, PLEASE STOP SINGING!!!" Lily whimpered exasperatedly.

Lily went back to the Quidditch game after Sirius finally left her alone. When she sat down, Lucius immediately put his arms around her and kissed her. James was flying past the stands, where Lily and Lucius were sitting, heading towards the goal posts with a Quaffle in his hands, when he glanced at them. He went into shock and immediately forgot what he was doing and where he was. Alas, he was in the air and his broom was still careening through the air towards the goal post. _SMACK!_ James hit directly into the post and fell down to the ground at top speed.

"Prongs!" Sirius bellowed to James who was too busy moaning on the ground in pain to take any notice. "You!" he turned to Lucius, "it's your fault! You did that on purpose you bloody nark!" Sirius then jumped on Malfoy and started punching him in the face repeatedly.

"You—punch—are—punch—such a—punch—bloody prat!"

"STUPEFY!" Lily yelled and Malfoy collapsed stiffly.

"Lily, you're no fun. Take that off of him so I can beat him up more," Sirius said eagerly.

"Fine, but if you get beat up, it's your own fault," Lily retorted and removed the spell on Lucius.

"Have fun in the future!" Lucius bellowed and pointed his wand at Lily and Sirius. "Timelto!"

The whole Quidditch Pitch started to spin rapidly. Lily instinctively clung to Sirius out of pure fear.

"Jeez, Lily! Make up your mind. You kissed James, dated Malfoy and just broke up with him, and now your clinging to me!" Sirius taunted

"You are so imma—" Lily began, but she was cut off because they suddenly stopped spinning and found themselves in the same location, but a different place entirely.

Author's Notes: Yes, I know, once again...a short chapter, but I'll update soon. Please review if you have any ideas for what you want to happen during Sirius and Lily's time in the future...bwahahaha!

Next Chapter: Well, duh, of course the future. What will happen when Lily and Sirius see Harry in his sixth year at Hogwarts?

Following Events: Sirius has fun taunting James about how Lily desperately clung to him. Hahaha...and also the future...hehehe


	8. Fun in the Future

Author's Notes: In response to the thoroughly confusing (though much appreciated) review from Floopy3: James, Sirius, and Lily are in their sixth year. They are invisible to everybody, which I'll explain in this chapter, and the future James is dead anyway...I'm not sure if that clears things up for you a bit...but hopefully this chapter will help...

I don't own any characters...enjoy Chapter 8! BTW, it's really long...

Chapter Eight

"Weasley blocks another goal, too bad, Slytherin!" the speaker boomed. "Potter sees the snitch! He's heading down, down—he's going to crash if he doesn't pull out of that dive _soon_! And—he—pulls out of the dive with the snitch in hand! Griffindor wins! Lucky for Harry, he has a Firebolt, any other broom trying that stunt would have been a disaster."

"POTTER?!" Lily shrieked in disbelief, "He had a son? Spawn of Potter—another generation of that lunatic?!"

"He's a spitting image of Prongs!" Sirius exclaimed. "The same messy, black hair, obsession with Quidditch, dorky glasses..."

"I wonder who his mother is," Lily pondered aloud.

"Let's go look at him up close," Sirius said walking down to the field with Lily behind him.

"Harry," Hermione said, "that was brilliant, and Ron you had the most amazing saves I've ever seen!"

"Thanks," blushed Harry.

"Thanks, Hermione," Ron said as he hugged her.

"Let's go to the kitchen, I'm hungry," Harry said as he walked through Sirius towards the kitchen.

"He even has his father's freakish eating habits," Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"DID YOU SEE THAT?" Sirius asked ecstatically. "He walked right through me! That was so cool!"

"I guess that means we're incorporeal and invisible," Lily concluded unfazed.

"Let's follow them!" Sirius said as he ran towards Harry.

"Hey! Wait up!" Lily yelled as she tried to catch up. She didn't reach them until they had stopped in the kitchen. Sirius was intently sticking his hand through Harry's stomach with a bemused look on his face.

"Sirius, stop that!" Lily reprimanded, but couldn't help but wave her hand around in Hermione's face.

"I think I might be having a bad influence on you," Sirius scoffed. Before Lily could respond, Harry, Hermione, and Ron left the kitchen and went up to the common room.

Harry was sitting in front of the fire. Ron and Hermione had already fallen asleep. Harry was intently studying the necklace he had inherited when he received the invisibility cloak. The locket on the gold chain consisted of a red, heart-shaped gem encrusted inside a golden heart, so that all you could see of the golden heart was a thin border. It was in very good condition, but you could still see that the locket was old. Harry tenderly opened the locket to reveal a moving picture of Lily and James's first kiss, the Halloween Ball.

"Oh Merlin!" Lily gasped and leaned closer to the locket Harry was holding.

"I think we know who the mother is," Sirius guffawed.

"That locket doesn't prove anything," Lily snapped. At that moment a creak from the stairs brought their attention to a redheaded girl they recognized from the Quidditch match.

"Harry?" the girl called.

"Ginny?" Harry asked, closing the locket and turning around to face the redhead.

"Do you mind if I sit down? I couldn't sleep," Ginny told him as she sat down next to him. "That's so beautiful!" Ginny whispered as she caught eye of the locket Harry was holding. "Who's that for?"

"It's not like that," Harry explained. "It used to be my mother's. Sirius, my godfather, gave it to me right before he—you know—was k-ki-killed." Harry turned away from Ginny with tears in his eyes.

"I GET KILLED?!" Sirius screamed in disbelief. "Bloody Merlin! But everybody loves me! People will forever feel guilty for my death!"

"Be quiet," Lily told him.

"But the world will be such a horrible place without me! I make this world happy and worth living in! Killing me is like...is like saying that muggle instrument, flute, is better then the other muggle instrument, clarinet! And "

"Of course," Lily said sarcastically and added, seriously, "but the clarinet _is_ much better than the flute!"

"But I'm the almighty, drop-dead gorgeous, pranking, psychotic, huggable, lovable, Sirius Black!" Sirius then struck a pose and Lily kicked him in the shins to shut him up.

"Harry," Ginny began apologetically, "I didn't mean to bring up bad memories."

"I know you didn't. It's just so hard for me lately. He was the only family I had left. He was like a father to me."

"We're your family, Ron, Hermione, and I. I know we could never replace the family you lost, but—"

"Godfather?" Lily gaped and started to pace around the room. "I agreed to have _you_ as my son's _godfather_? But—but you're so immature!"

"Hey!" Sirius said, glaring. "I'm not immature, besides look how much he likes—_liked _me."

"Who used an unforgivable curse on me so they could control my mind?" Lily interrogated uselessly, ignoring Sirius. "I bet it was James, why else would I marry him, allow you to be the godfather, and name my son _Harry_? I hate that name. I would much rather have named him William!"

"Do you _want_ him to be beat up in school? How could you expect him to survive his teenage years named William?" Sirius said the last word with disgust. "As for me, I much prefer the name _Sirius_."

"You're nearly as conceited as James," she said as she stopped pacing and turned to face him, "now shut up before we miss something they're saying."

"My mum and dad died before I could even grieve for their deaths. I didn't understand anything, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but Sirius, I did know him. I _was_ old enough to understand, and now he's _gone_," Harry finished, barely audible. Ginny put her arms around him soothingly and tried to steer the conversation away from Sirius.

"What's inside the locket?" Ginny asked him.

"A picture of my mum and dad at a Halloween Ball in their sixth year," Harry spoke, regaining his voice. "It was their first kiss. Sirius use to tell me stories about how much my mum, Lily, hated my dad. He was madly in love with her, though. Sirius always told me that when they placed an amnesia spell on the Halloween Ball, James still remembered her name."

"That's so sweet," Ginny sighed.

"That's not sweet!" Lily spat, "It was creepy! He's been stalking me for years."

"You have a point, you're the only thing he talks about. It's quite annoying, really." Sirius then messed-up his hair, and did a striking resemblance to James's voice, "Lily this, Lily that. She's soooooooo beautiful. She has the most lovely, bright green eyes. I love her! Sirius, hey, Sirius! Do you think Lily fancies me? Do you think she'll go out with me this year?"

Lily had turned bright red by this point, so Sirius decided to have mercy, for once in his life, and stopped imitating James.

"Sometimes I wish," Harry mumbled, "that my parents could see me now. I wonder what they would think if they saw me."

"They'd probably be amazed at how wonderful you are, Harry James Potter," Ginny complimented and Harry mussed up his hair and turned a pink shade.

"I'm glad you're here, Ginny."

"I love you, Harry," Ginny said, quieter than a whisper, not realizing that Harry could hear her.

"I love you, too," Harry said, and they both fell asleep in front of the warm fire, in each other's arms.

"Aw! That's so adorable," Lily cooed.

"Hey, what do you know?" Sirius exclaimed.

"Huh?"

"The spitting image of James, curled up with a girl that has red hair," Sirius tantalized.

"Shut up, already!" Lily growled as she pushed Sirius, who fell through the window and landed outside of Hogwarts.

"Just wait till I teeeeeell Jaaaaaames that hiiiiis giiiirlfrieeeeend is tryyyyying to kiiiiill meeeeeeee!" Sirius yelled on his way down to the ground.

"Oh my Merlin! Are you okay?"

"I can't feel anything, remember?! I thought you were the _smart_ one!" Sirius scoffed. "Hey, Lils, you should try falling out the window! It's so much fun, but you have to turn around and close your eyes."

"I can't beeeellllllievvvvve IIIIIII'm doooooooiiiiiing thiiiiiiis!" she screamed as she fell backwards out the window and onto Sirius's lap, who was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe.

The next morning...

"We should follow Harry around and see what happens to him on a normal day," Lily concluded.

"I wonder who his teachers are. I hope he reeks havoc on them all," Sirius cackled ruthlessly.

"Grow up," Lily said, "We should hurry. We don't know where Harry is."

"You really _aren't_ smart, are you?" Sirius stated cockily. "Knowing James, which I do, and guessing—knowing—that Harry is undoubtedly like him, he'll be in the Great Hall, eating."

Much to Lily's surprise, Sirius turned out to be correct. Harry was sitting at the Griffindor table with Ginny to his left, Ron across from him, and Hermione next to Ron.

"UGH!" Ron moaned, "We have Potions next!"

"It's worse for me," complained Harry, "He _hates_ me because I'm in Griffindor, caught the snitch and defeated Slytherin, and because of my father!"

"Developing an ego about Quidditch, are we?" Hermione glowered.

"I'm just saying—" Harry defended.

"Cut him some slack, Herm," Ron told her.

"You're going to be late if you don't get out of here. Potions starts in 5 minutes," Ginny reminded them.

"Oh no!" they all shouted and ran towards the Potions class, with Lily and Sirius following behind.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat down next to Neville Longbottom as the bell rang.

"Potter," Snape spat, "you're late!"

"Actually, _Professor Snape_," he replied with confidence and disgust, "I was in my seat before the bell rang. Could we please continue with this class, now?"

"Yes," Snape growled.

"SNAPE?" Sirus gaped. "Snape—Severus—Snivellus—Snapey, is the Potions teacher?"

"I can't believe it," Lily responded in shock.

"He hasn't changed much," Sirius said, already laughing at his unspoken remark, "He's still greasy, ugly, and detests the Potters as much as humanly—inhumanly in his case—possible! Let's prank him! Can we, can we? Huh? Huh? I've got an idea, Lily, do you know if we can pick objects up?"

"Why?" Lily asked suspiciously.

"No reasons...but can we?"

"Let's find out," Lily said as she picked up a frog leg successfully.

"COOL! That looks like Lucius! Maybe that's his son." Sirius then began to grab ingredients and gingerly place them into Draco Malfoy's potion.

"Stop it!" she said glaring at Sirius's reckless behavior.

"I'm just having some f—"

"Times up!" Snape yelled.

"What, may I ask, is _this, _Potter?" he asked as he ladled the chunky potion and then dropped it back into the cauldron.

"Well, _sir_, it's Love Potion," Harry responded coolly.

"Why is it chunky?"

"Because it has only been sitting for one minute, instead of the 15 that it needs to have."

"Correct," Snape grimaced, upset at his defeat. "Fine, Mr. Know-it-all, could you please inform me of the rules of this potion to allow it to have the desired affect?"

"Certainly," Harry said, sounding overly cheerful. "You cannot serve potent Love Potion and you must mix it with any food, with the exception of chocolate."

"And _why_ is that, Mr. Potter?"

"When mixed with chocolate, the potion will only work for an hour. After that, it is void. Women love chocolate, so if it were functional with chocolate, there would be no freewill for women left in the world."

"10 points for Griffindor for that informative answer, Potter," Snape said and surprised everybody in the class, until he added, "And 30 points off of Griffindor because Mr. Potter has an attitude problem!"

"Bloody nark!" Sirius griped and they followed Harry and Ron into the Divination class.

Lily looked around the room in boredom as Sirius started to plan havoc for this class. There were Ouiji **_(A/N: I have no idea how to spell that, but I'm talking about those boards to communicate with spirits and such)_** Boards on every table and Professor Trelawney was sitting, Indian-style, on the floor with one in front of her.

"Sit down, children," she said in a misty voice. "Today we shall be communicating with the spirits in this very room."

"She's loony, that one," Ron whispered to Harry.

"We should put a spell on her board to make it say 'You will soon be attacked by a fluffy bunny'," Harry responded and Ron snickered silently.

"It's scary to see how much he and his father are alike," Lily began despondently, "he's already planned how to wreak havoc on this class."

"Isn't it great?!" Sirius said overjoyed as a few tear droplets formed in his eyes. "I'm so proud," he sniffled.

"I can't tell if you're being facetious or serious," Lily said.

"Everyone get into pairs and sit on opposite sides of your Ouiji Boards," Professor Trelawney instructed. "Place your fingers on the key to the unknown **_(A/N: Once again, I don't really know much/anything about Ouiji Boards, I'm talking about the little accessory thingy...that you touch and it goes to the different letters to spell out stuff...moving on) _**and close your eyes.

"Lily, you should go and have some fun with the students 'communication', while I have some fun of my own," Sirius said while trying to stifle maniacal laughter.

"Why are you so immature?" Lily asked exasperatedly. "Fine, I'll go talk to some of the Ravenclaws. You know something, Sirius?" she asked.

"Of course not! I'm Sirius Black!"

Lily rolled her eyes and then added, "For as smart as Ravenclaws are, they sure are superstitious and gullible." She then went over to where Cho Chang was and started moving the key to spell out: Tom Welling is hott. **_(A/N: I love Tom Welling and I don't care if that's a plot hole...hehehe 3)_** Cho Chang immediately squealed and the professor stood up. She attempted to glide gracefully towards Cho, but tripped over a chair that Sirius pushed in front of her on his way towards Harry and Ron.

Harry and Ron were having a difficult time concentrating on the Ouiji Board during Divinations and were quite pleased to have such quality entertainment from the professor that could supposedly see the future but not the chair in front of her.

"What a git!" Ron laughed.

"Tell me about it, Ron!" Harry snickered. The Ouiji Board started to write things before they could make fun of Trelawney more. _Harry Potter, in order to defeat your worst nemesis, you must jump up and down and say 'la la la la' while listening to the Chicken Dance._

"What the—" Ron began, but was then interrupted by another message. _Ron Weelley—_

"Weasley," Ron corrected the board. _My apologies, Weasley, you are in grave danger of being attacked by—dun, dun, dun—SPAM! _"Ew! My dad made us eat that stuff once, you know how obsessed he is with muggles, it's some sort of _food_ but it tastes more like _poison!_" Ron gagged.

_Snivellus Snape is a bloody nark with greasy hair and dandruff! _

"I like this spirit!" Ron said.

"_Snivellus?_ Sirius, is that you?" Harry asked hopefully.

_Maybe._

"Yes or no?" Harry asked.

_Both._

"Quit with the cryptic messages. You're giving me a headache," Ron griped.

_I'm Sirius Black, but not the Sirius Black you know and love._

"You lost me," Harry said.

_I am a past form, sent to the future by a stupid prat. By the way, Lily is here, too._

"Mum? Sirius? Wait, how far in the past?"

_You know that locket of your mother's you showed Ginny last night?_

"Why were you with my sister?" Ron asked sounding paranoid.

"How do you know about that?" Harry asked Sirius and ignored Ron.

_I was there and Lily, too. Well, that picture in the locket just happened a week or so ago._

"You're kidding!" Harry whispered.

_Nope._

"Why are you here? How did you get here? Where's my dad?"

_Jeez! One question at a time! We're here because we tried to curse Malfoy and would have succeeded if I hadn't talked Lily into releasing the stupefy spell. Lucius sent us here to get us away from him, the coward! And you're father is probably in the hospital wing. You see, he saw Lily kissing Lucius, and got distracted during a Quidditch game._

"And?" Harry pushed.

_And he kind of smashed into a pole and fell to the ground and got knocked unconscious. I couldn't see how he was doing because that's when Lucius sent us here._

"Can I talk to my mom?"

_I'm here. This is weird. You're my son, but I'm your age, and my worst enemy is your fa—_

"Mum? Lily? Sirius?" Harry called to them and didn't receive any responses because the room had started spinning again.

"Am I dying?" Sirius asked as he started to cry and immediately clung to Lily, desperately.

"Of course you're not, this happened when we were coming here, so we must be going back Besides, you just died recently in the future," Lily responded unsympathetically while she tried to pull out of his grip.

"I don't understand how James can like you so mu—" Sirius started to say, but was cut off because they had finished spinning and were face-to-face with...

A/N: Bwahahahaha cliffhanger!!! Don't worry I'll be back next week. BAND CAMP! GO CLARINETS!!! YEAH!!! Leave me lots of reviews for when I get back. However many new reviews I get is the number of pages I write for the next chapter.

Next Chapter: Sirius enjoys a healthy taunting of James about the future. Hehehe...

Future Events: I haven't thought that far ahead...but I'll think of something. Ideas would help a great deal...so review!


	9. Singing Sirius

Author's Notes: Hey! I'm so happy **tear tear **I got reviews! I love you guys! This chapter should be funny. Sorry I haven't posted all week...band camp...so I'll get the next one up sooner! I don't own any characters. Enjoy Chapter Nine!!!

Chapter Nine

"Hey, Prongs!" Sirius began, unaware he was still holding onto Lily and now in his common room.

"Potter," Lily murmured in disbelief about the future when she looked at him.

"Sirius," James began in a vain attempt to stay calm, "where have you been and why are you holding onto Lily?" James's eye then began to twitch.

"Oh," Sirius replied, "well, because I found out that—"

"Shut up!" Lily fiercely whispered to Sirius. "If he finds out we went to the future it might _change_ it."

"Found out..." James prompted.

"Found out that Lily is in love with me," Sirius finished with a stupid grin on his face. James then snapped his wand in half, and it looked to Lily that he didn't even realize he did that.

"Padfoot," James said through clenched teeth in an overly friendly and tranquil voice, "I'm going to throttle you in your sleep if you don't get away from her."

"James," Lily began warily, "are you okay? You're face is getting really red, and you're biting your lip so hard, I think it might start bleeding any second."

"No, no," James said growing louder with each word, "I'm perfectly fine with the fact that I had to watch the girl of my dreams date my worst enemy and kiss him, which caused me to crash into a Quidditch post and get knocked unconscious, and that my best friend and the girl of my dreams, disappeared for 2 days without so much as a trace, and also that the girl of my dreams is in love with my _best friend!!!_"

"Well that's good," Sirius said oblivious to the fact that James might snap any minute, and already started to.

"Good? _Good? GOOD?!" _James said, becoming more psychotic. "SIRIUS BLACK, I'M GOING TO BLOODY KILL YOU!" James then lunged towards Sirius and threw his pieces of wand at him while Lily rolled her eyes and walked out of the common room.

"Aaahh! It was you!" Sirius squealed in surprise and grabbed the broomstick that had been lying on the ground. He hopped onto it, and flew upward, and only stopping when he was out of reach of the snarling James trying to jump up and grab onto Sirius's cloak.

"James Potter," Lupin said sternly, walking into the common room from the hall. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Well, Moony," he replied while still attempting to grab hold of Sirius. "I'm attempting to jump up and grab Sirius's cloak. Then, I can pull him off of the broom he is on and throw him to the ground. After that, it will be easy to tackle him and punch him."

"Do _not _kill Padfoot," Lupin reprimanded James.

"But he's stealing Lily from me!" James complained.

"You!" Sirius said attempting to make sense of what was happening. "Kill? You? Kill me? I died. I'm dead, recently. Mourn my death. People kill. Not enemy. You. Brought my doom. Destroy. Destroy. Sirius Black is dead. Harry Potter is sad. You're fault. You're fault. Murderer!"

"Did Malfoy spike your drink again?" Lupin asked.

"What's wrong with you?" James asked and stopped trying to kill Sirius.

"You, James Potter, killed me! Lily, protect me!" Sirius then jumped off the broom and ran away screaming incoherent things.

"But you're alive!" James yelled after him.

Sirius was busy running around Hogwarts and screaming 'Lily', to notice Filch coming around the corner, or Mrs. Norris run in front of him. He tripped over the cat, in an attempt to run from Filch and fell down the stairs on his butt. He skidded to a halt in front of somebody in muggle jeans and clunky brown shoes.

"Should I even ask why you are in a heap at the bottom of the stairs and screaming my name all over Hogwarts?" the girl asked, and as Sirius looked up he saw that it was Lily.

"J—James—he—he—wants to k—kill me and he must be the one that k-kills me in the f—future. Save me—ee—ee!" he whimpered, pathetically and grabbed onto her legs while groveling.

"Get—off—of—me," she said, "or I won't help you." Sirius immediately sprung away from her.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes. Now, why don't we think about this logically? You die in the future, the very distant future. I died when Harry was at a young age. James died when Harry was at a young age," Lily concluded and then started to walk away.

"Wait!" he yelled after her. "I don't get it!"

Lily turned around and rolled her eyes, "James and I died before you. How could James be the one to kill you, if there were over 10 years between yours and James's deaths?"

"O—oo—oh!" Sirius said happily, "I get it! So that means that he couldn't have killed me because he was already dead!"

"Very good, now can I leave? And by the way, try not to tell James anything, unless it is absolutely necessary."

Sirius went back to the common room to see what James and Remus were doing and try to explain things without revealing too much information.

"Prongs!" Sirius said, running over to greet his friend. "I'm sorry I accused you of killing me! I didn't realize that you had already been dead for over 10 years by the time I keeled over!"

"Um, ok?" James said, taking a step back.

"Sirius, why don't you sit down and explain what you're rambling about?" Lupin suggested.

"But Lily told me I'm not supposed to tell you guys about our trip to the future and meeting James's son," Sirius said carelessly, and then realized that he had let some information slip and clapped his hands over his mouth. "I shouldn't have said that!"

"What trip to the future? What son?" James asked perplexedly.

"Are you serious?" Lupin asked skeptically.

"Yes, I'm Sirius," he replied stupidly.

"That's not what I meant, you nark."

"We need to get that truth spell again," James cackled and tied Sirius to the chair. Remus reluctantly cast a spell on Sirius.

"What son?!" James asked again. "What trip to the future?"

"Your son. He's a spitting image of you, really. He even plays Quidditch and enjoys wreaking havoc on Hogwarts teachers. I didn't mean to say that. _Well I just got back an hour ago. I don't know where I've been. Now I'm crawlin' across the kitchen. I don't know what I've seen. Well, I feel so complicated and, our love is kinda jaded. Well I'm comin' through the doggy door again woo!_"

_"_James's son?" Remus interrupted, horrified. "There's another generation?"

"That's what Lily said." Sirius realized that me might be about to let it slip to James that Lily was his wife and plugged his ears and started singing. "_I believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of my heart. There's a chance we could make it now. We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down. I believe in a thing called looooooove! Ooh! Guitar!" _

"Hurry up and ask him another question, Prongs," Lupin shouted over Sirius's "singing".

"Sirius," James started, "how did you get to the future?"

"Malfoy sent Lily and I there. By the way, you should have seen the look on Lily's face when she realized that—" Sirius stopped speaking and started singing again.

I'm bouncing off the walls again. I'm looking like a fool again. I threw away my reputation, one more song for the radio station. I'm bouncing off the walls again. I'm looking like a fool again. Waking up on the bathroom floor. Pull myself back together just to fall once more. I'm bouncing off the walls again. I'm looking like a fool again, so go ahead and take a picture, and hang it up so you can tear me down.

"What's with all the muggle bands?" James asked. "Of course I do love Sugarcult and The Darkness."

"What did Lily realize," Lupin asked, becoming impatient.

"She realized that—" Sirius began, but was interrupted by a fuming Lucius Malfoy barging into the room.

"SIRIUS!" Malfoy screamed, "How did you get back?"

"Good question," he replied, "I think it has something to do with Moony being a genius and Prongs being good at almost every spell, including the truth spell they placed on me."

"You're too kind," Lupin blushed, "I just figured we should try a retrieving spell and James performed it, and then poof! You're here."

"Truth spell?" Lucius asked, grinning psychotically.

"Get out of here, Malfoy!" James hissed.

"Er, no!" Lucius said, pretending to think, which was quite normal for him. "STUPEFY!" Remus and James were now on the ground, unable to move.

"Bloody hell," Sirius said as he hit his head against the back of the chair, repeatedly.

"For once in your life, Sirius," Malfoy said, smirking, "I think you might be right."

"For once in your life, Lucius," Sirius replied, mockingly, "I think you might be thinking."

"Shut up, you git!" Malfoy replied, fuming. "Would you mind telling me a few of your deep, dark secrets?" Malfoy then started to cackle evilly, but ruined the horrifying attitude he had, by snorting.

"No—yes!"

"Go on," Lucius insisted.

"I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad. I got sunshine, in a bag. I'm useless, but not for long. The future is coming on. I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad. I got sunshine, in a bag. I'm useless, but not for long. The future is coming on. It's coming on. It's coming on. It's coming on."

"Is anything actually going on in that head of yours?" Malfoy sighed.

"Doubtfully."

"Tell me one of your greatest fears," Malfoy interrogated.

"One of my—greatest—fears—is—" Sirius struggled, "is—to—have to look at your mutated face and disgusting, long hair for another minute."

"I thought he cast a truth spell on you? Why isn't it working?" Malfoy whined.

"Who says I'm not telling the truth?" Sirius snickered.

"My face is not mutated and my hair is not disgusting. Therefore, you're lying."

"Your even more stupid than I thought. _Let me out, let me out I'm singing. Let me out, let me out I'm singing. I'm a liar and a cheat in prison. Accused of telling the truth._"

"Why do you keep bloody singing?" Malfoy snapped.

"Ask Remus. He's the smart one."

"Remus," Malfoy asked while removing the stupefy spell, so that he could talk. "Would you mind explaining what is going on with this git?"

"Oh," Lupin replied. "I didn't actually cast the truth spell, because I feel that it is morally wrong, not to mention it might destroy the future that he was talking about." Remus muttered a counter-curse.

"Why was I telling you the truth?" Sirius asked.

"Because you're gullible. I just put a singing spell on you. Not a good spell. Sirius, I never realized how horrible your voice is."

"Well, that's bloody wonderful. I wasted all this time to hear Black singing-off key," Malfoy griped as he threw his arms into the air in exasperation.

"Then you'd better get going," Lupin replied, sounding too sweet.

"_Fine!_" he growled and released the Stupefy spell, but cast tripping hex on James instead. Lucius stormed into his bedroom, fuming.

_**Next Chapter: Lily avoids James at all costs, but what happens when James finds out he's destined to be with her?**_

_**Events to come: You tell me. Review!**_


	10. Clues

Author's Notes: Thanks for all the reviews! OMG, you guys are the best! _Lilchocolatechip011 _I'm sorry that my cliffhanger tortured you for so long. _Pokefreaks13_I can't believe I made your favorite's list. tear tear, I'm so happy! I'm having a really hard time trying to come up with ideas for the next chapter or so...any ideas would help. If not, I'm just going to type a final chapter (I know how to end it...but not to continue). Enjoy Chapter 10. I don't own any characters.

Chapter 10 

"Sirius!" James shouted banging on the bedroom door in which Sirius had locked himself in. "Just tell me whom I'm going to marry already!"

"No!"

"Padfoot, bloody hell!"

"No!"

"Just tell me!" James stomped his foot.

"Fine! You—are—going to marry—Severus Snape!" Sirius began laughing. James could tell by the loud thump on the other side of the door that he had fallen over in a fit of giggles.

"LIAR!" James retorted. "Just give me a hint."

"Ok. You marry a female."

"Could you be any less specific?" James asked acerbically.

"Ask a matter-of-fact, I can."

"I was being sarcastic."

"I wasn't. You marry a witch."

"PADFOOT!"

"Let's make a deal."

"I think I hear ominous music playing," James said grudgingly.

"Don't worry it'll be fun," Sirius said comfortingly, "for me."

"Spit it out."

"I'll give you a clue, and then you solve the riddle on it. The answer to the clue will lead you to the one after that. Eventually when you solve all the riddles, it'll lead you to your wife-to-be."

"When can I get my first clue?"

"Later. First, I have to write them all," Sirius cackled and opened the door to reveal a sadistic smile to James.

"Why don't you just hang out in the kitchens for a while, Prongs," Sirius told him. "I'll give you the first clue as soon as I can."

"Alright, mate, but hurry up."

James waved goodbye to Sirius and headed down to the kitchens. _This isn't a total disaster, I will eventually find out whom I marry, and I get to eat food for the next few hours. Sirius is probably going to have a bloody awful time thinking of riddles for me. I wonder if it's Chang, she's very pretty and smart. She even plays Quidditch..._

"Master Potter, sir!" a small house elf squeaked. "What can I get for you today?"

"Can I have a butterbeer and an ice cream sundae?"

"Right away, sir!"

"Thanks," James said and went back to thinking of whom he would marry.

Meanwhile, Sirius was hard at work thinking of riddles. He had been staring blankly at a piece of paper, tossing his quill into the air, and catching it out of exasperation and boredom. After about 20 minutes, he decided that he needed to get some help. Sirius started sprinting up and down the corridors screaming, "Remus! Moony! Lupin!" and then realized Remus would most likely be in the library studying. Sirius burst through the library doors and tripped over a Hufflepuff in her first year. In the process of regaining his balance, his elbow whacked Remus in his nose. Sirius didn't notice until he turned around and looked at Remus, kneeling on the ground clutching his nose and moaning in pain.

"PADFOOT!" Remus whispered harshly, "what the bloody hell are you doing?!"

"Sorry mate," Sirius responded, paying no mind to the volume of his voice, "I was looking for you because I need your help to think of riddles for Prongs to figure out!"

"Keep your voice down," Remus scolded.

"Some of the students are trying to study," the librarian growled as she chased them out of the room with hexes.

"Could you please explain what you're talking about," Lupin asked when they had gotten out of the library.

"Prongsie keeps trying to make me tell him who is wife is. I told him that I would give him riddles that he would have to figure out. Each riddle would lead him to a certain place where I will hide the next riddle. When he solves the last clue, he'll find out who is wife-to-be is."

"Woah," Lupin said, blankly. "That's confusing."

"Tell me about it," Sirius sighed. "This is why I need you. I can't think up a riddle to save my life."

"Well then we'd best get to work."

"You mean you're actually going to help me with this crack-pot idea?" he asked in astonishment.

"_I_ want to know what psycho ends up marrying James as much as the next bloke, so let's go." Lupin and Sirius wrote riddles for the next 2 hours and 3 minutes and then, they were finally finished.

They gave him the first clue, and James read Clue #1 multiple times.

_**Dear Prongs,**_

_**I hide where someone is always ready for a fight. Do not flee, but instead accept the challenge. Win the duel to get me, the next clue to your wife-to-be.**_

"_Well, that's easy enough," James thought. "Who do I know that is always ready for a fight? Duh! Sir Cadogan! That nutcase is constantly challenging Sirius, Lupin, and me to duals. Sirius of course, is the only one stupid enough to encourage his psychotic fights." _James walked up the stairs and stopped in front of Sir Cadogan. Sure enough, he had his sword in hand and was waving it around like a maniac shouting, "Come here and fight me, you scurvy dog!"

"Ok, I will," James replied smoothly as he pulled out his wand and faced it towards Sir Cadogan.

"What type of duel are _you _thinking of?" Sir Cadogan responded in disgust.

"Hu—?"

"Where's your _sword_?!" he interrupted James.

"I—I don't have a sword," James said, stunned.

"Very well," Sir Cadogan sighed, "you can have one of _my_ swords."

"I really don't want your sword—any sword—er—I changed my mind."

"Nonsense!" He scoffed and pulled James into the painting with him.

"What happened? Where are we? What's going on?" James spurted out.

"I pulled you into the painting with me, you scurvy dog. You have been magically, of course, transformed into a painting. You're here so that we can fight in the proper terrain."

"And what exactly is the _proper_ terrain?" he asked nervously.

"With lots of dangerous cliffs, sharp rocks, and slippery slopes, of course!"

Sir Cadogan tossed his extra sword to James, who was precariously standing on a rock ledge. James fumbled the sword, but he somehow, managed to catch it without losing any limbs. "_Oh Merlin!" _thought James as he secured an awkward grip on the heavy weapon that had been given to him. Before James had a chance to fret more, Sir Cadogan had lunged towards him and was screaming incomprehensible streams of angry babble. James reacted by letting out a yelp and jumping backwards, tripping on a rock, stumbling off the ledge and down the slippery, sharp slope. James's opponent had already advanced on him before he had a chance to recover from his painful tumble.

James ducked the blow out of pure instinct, but then leapt at Sir Cadogan and aimed his sword towards his arm. His attack was blocked with seeming ease, and then Sir Cadogan retaliated and struck James's left shoulder.

"Ouch!" James whined. "What the bloody Merlin was that for you git!"

"We are dueling; it is only normal for one's opponent to get injured."

"I don't care!" he pouted. "That hurt!"

"Shall we continue?"

"Yes, we shall bloody continue!" James jumped towards Sir Cadogan and stabbed him through the stomach. He fell to the ground in a dramatic pose, and James felt an immense surge of guilt. "Oh my! Are you ok? I didn't mean to murder you!"

"Nonsense, boy!" Sir Cadogan said while standing up. "It's only a flesh wound. Besides, while you are injured in this painting you immediately heal once a winner has been decided. Congratulations on a job well done. Here's your reward." Sir Cadogan handed James a small slip of parchment, and James was sucked out of the painting, and into Hogwarts.

_"Bloody lunatic: Sir Cadogan **and **Sirius!" _James thought, harshly, as he unfolded the scrap of parchment in his hand.

_**Dear Prongsie,**_

_**You're almost done with all of your clues. I am hidden within something that has a face and many hands, but no body. **_

"_Oh good, more cryptic messages. I think I'd rather not know the woman I'm going to marry, than have to deal with Sirius insane ideas," _James thought. _"Let me think...a face, many hands, but no body. The Gingolyns have many hands, a face, but they have a body. Madame Sloother has a face, but no hands or body. Oh! The grandfather clock! It has a face, many hands, and no body!" _

James raced towards his common room, where a Grandfather Clock was positioned in the corner. He opened the door that sealed the chimes. James could faintly see the parchment wedged in the back of the clock, behind all of the swinging chimes. He naively slid his hand into the clock to get the parchment, but was stopped by the swinging chimes that had just crushed his hands. James was kneeled on the ground in pain, clutching his injured hand, when he heard bark-like laughter from behind him. James turned around, only to see nobody in the room with him.

"SIRIUS!" James bellowed, "get you arse out of my invisibility cloak!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sirius's voice said innocently.

"You know what I'm talking about! You're under my cloak, so that you can watch me do all of these stupid stunts and laugh at me."

"NO—well maybe—ok yes. So sue me! It's funny to watch you make an idiot out of yourself."

"What kind of a friend are you?" James asked rhetorically.

"The best kind!"

"You're a git."

"But I'm a lovable git."

"Go away so I can finish these imprudent clues."

"OK," Sirius sighed slowly.

_"New plan!" _thought James determinedly. _"Sticking my hand directly in harm's way, wasn't the smartest thing I could have done. It's something that Peter might have done, but I'm millions of times smarter then him. Maybe I should try a freezing charm."_

"FROZARI!" he shouted at the clock, and immediately it stopped all movement. James then gingerly placed his hand into the clock and reached the scrap of parchment that lay hidden in the back. "VICTORY!" he shouted as he started to do the "victory" dance.

"Jamesie, mate, that's really creepy," Remus said with fear in his voice.

"Remus?"

"Yup."

"Could you help me with this next clue?"

"No," Remus said matter-of-factly.

"And why not?" James asked angrily.

"Because I helped Sirius make the clues."

"WHAT?!" James shouted, stomping his feet and hitting his head off of the wall. "You're all against me—e—ee!"

James opened the next clue and read it aloud.

_**Deer Prongs (hehehe, I'm clever. Get it? Deer Prongs),**_

_**Trick the wings to let me go and seduce the fur to give me up. Here you will find me, and you'll be a step closer to your future wife. **_

"_What the heck does that mean?"_ James thought rhetorically, as he paced up and down the corridors. "_Trick the wings? Seduce the fur? Wings are for flying. Bats fly. Lightning bugs fly. Birds fly! Birds have wings! I'm on to something. Robins are birds, have wings, and fly, but we don't have robins at Hogwarts. Ravens! We have ravens here. But since when can I trick a raven? Where can I find a raven? Oh! Ravenclaw! That's it! I have to trick all of the Ravenclaws! Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Oh well. Now, fur. Let's see, Sirius has fur when he's a dog, but I don't see why I would want to seduce him. Fur. Er—fur—is furry. Hippogriffs have fur. Ew! I'm not seducing a Hippogriff! Maybe that's not the answer. Ha Ha Ha. I remember that one time, when I gave Snivellus a potion that turned him into a donkey. He was furry." _

James was hard at work thinking and pacing. He stopped suddenly, when he noticed a large painting of a Raven sitting on a Lioness's shoulder. "That's it!" he exclaimed. "Wings equal Raven! Fur equals Lioness!"

"Not the sharpest crayon in the box. Are we?" the Lioness yawned.

"Are you the answer to the riddle?!" James asked eagerly. "Can I have it?"

"That depends," the Raven laughed, "why should I give it to you?"

"Because I'm looking for it," James said ignorantly.

"Oh well in that case..." the Raven cried mockingly.

"Why do you hate me?"

"You don't have feathers, and you can't even fly!"

"Run along little boy," the Lioness scoffed and resumed sleeping.

"SIRIUS!" James shouted throughout the common room. "You gave it to those gits on purpose! You knew they would never give me the final clue!"

"Calm down, Prongs," Lupin said.

"Did you even read the clue?" Sirius asked. "You have to trick the wings and seduce the fur."

"I," James said, as he hit his head on the wall, "am so sick of riddles!"

"You could always give up," Sirius reminded him.

"And never find out?! What kind of a solution is that?"

"One that would allow you to keep your sanity," Remus told James.

"I'm going to go and solve that bloody riddle, even if it's the last thing I do!" James announced as he stormed out of the room.

One Hour Later... 

James cast a spell that would cover him in feathers and grabbed his _Lightningstripe _broomstick. He flew to the Raven and Lioness and attempted to act like a Raven.

"I wonder who this could be," the Lioness asked blandly.

"Could it be the boy that was bothering us earlier?" asked the Raven.

"Bloody Merlin!" James bellowed. "I went through all of this trouble to be as much like a raven as I could be, and you just throw me aside like a cracked cauldron! Maybe I should have pretended to be a Lioness, she, at least, is nice!"

"Flattery," the Lioness purred, "my Achilles'**_ (sp)_** heel."

"I must admit, you did do a pretty good job," the Raven sighed.

"Can I _please _have the clue?"

"Very well," the Lioness and Raven said simultaneously. James cheerfully took the final clue out of the Raven's talons. He sprinted back to his room because he heard Filch coming around the corner, and when he opened the final clue...


	11. The Truth

Author's Notes: Um...well, I'm very spontaneous.... and um... well just read it. I don't own any characters. BTW: my spells have really lame names...but anyway...

Chapter Eleven

_**Dear Prongs,**_

_**This is the final clue. All you must do is say the following spell aloud, and you'll get a SURPRISE! (Maniacal laughter)**_

TRADONOSWICHAROO 

"Here goes possibly everything," James winced. "Tradonoswicharoo!" James suddenly felt dizzy and faint. Everything suddenly became dark. James crumpled to the ground limply. James opened his eyes later on, and found the room he was in, to be filled with radiant light. He felt calm and relaxed. James glanced around the room, and he realized that it was the 6th Year Girl's Bedroom. Alice was asleep in the bed to his right, and Molly was snoring in the bunk bed above his.

_"What is going on here? Why the bloody Merlin am I in a girl's dormitory? I think somebody drugged me. It must have been Lucius Malfoy or Snivellus Snape or—" _James's contemplations were interrupted by Alice.

"Lily? Lils? Are you awake?" called Alice. "I couldn't sleep because Molly's snoring again."

"Huh?" came a female voice.

"I figured you'd be awake. Hey Lils, do you want to go down and have breakfast with me?"

"What?" said the female voice, again. "Oh my Merlin!" _"Oh my Merlin! I have a girl's voice, Lily's voice. Why do I have Lily's bloody voice? Why am I in a girl's dormitory? Why is Alice calling me Lily? AH! I **am**__Lily!"_

"What's wrong, Lil? Alice asked.

"I have to go now!" Lily screamed and ran out of the room. **_(A/N: to avoid further confusion, James's mind and Lily's body shall now be referred to as Lily. Lily's mind and James's body shall be referred to as James. If I have either of them talking the same thing applies...mainly so that your brains don't explode.)_**

****Lily locked the door to the Girl's Lavatory and stared at her reflection in the mirror. _"I'm Lily. I'm Lily. I am Lily Evans. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. What am I going to do? I'm trapped inside Lily's body. She's going to hex me into next year. I should go talk to me—her—my body. My brain hurts. I'm guessing she's in my room. Oh boy." _Lily changed into a pair of Lily's jeans and a loose T-shirt, and she went back to her common room. Lily whispered the password to the snake and lion, and then she snuck up to where James would be sleeping.

"James—er—Lily," she whispered fiercely. "Wake up." James mumbled something and turned back over, and Lily grew irritated. "Wake up!" she screamed in his ear, which caused him to jump and hit his elbow on the wall beside him.

"AAAHHHH!" came a deep voice. James covered his mouth out of surprise and gazed blankly at Lily. "What is going on? Why do you look like me?"

"Er—Lily—er _James_..." Lily began.

"What's that supposed to mean? Er—James?" James asked.

"Well, you see. I think we kind of, sort of, maybe, switched bodies."

"Huh?"

"Well, this morning, I woke and up, and I was you. And you're me."

"Huh?"

"Someone—Sirius—cast a spell on us, and now we're each other." Lily told James.

"Leave it to Sirius," he griped. "What do we do?"

"Well, we get Sirius and pummel him until he reverses the spell!"

Next to the lake, later that day... 

"So," Remus began slyly, "you never told me what was written on the final clue..."

"Oh..." Sirius said, looking down at his feet, "you should find out about that pretty soon..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus asked.

"Er—it's supposed to mean—er—James and Lily switched bodies."

"Huh?" Remus asked with incredulity.

"I figured that it might be kind of amusing to see what would happen, that's all."

"SIRIUS BLACK! What is wro—" Remus was interrupted by James and Lily, that had just arrived at the lake, in a fit of rage.

"PADFOOT!" Lily shrieked.

"Yes, Lily?" Sirius asked innocently.

"You know bloody well that I'm not Lily!" Lily screamed back.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. You look like Lily and sound like Lily. I think you're Lily."

"Change us back!" James shouted.

"I thought that it would be nice change of scenery. Besides, you should _walk a mile in another's shoes, to better understand them_," Sirius grinned cheekily.

"I don't need to understand that git!" retorted Lily.

"Oh, but you do. You will be married in the future, after all."

"WHAT?!" Lily and Remus asked, and then Remus fainted dramatically.

"HEY! It's not that unbelievable!" Lily said defiantly.

"Yes, it is," James bickered.

"I agree," Remus said as he sat up.

"Shut up," Lily spat. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"Lily, James, this spell lasts until _I_ end it," Sirius gloated.

"Bu—" Lily and James whined.

"Which means," Sirius said firmly, "that until I decide you two are getting along and have bonded enough, you will stay as eachother."

"YOU MEAN WE'RE STUCK LIKE THIS FOREVER?" James bellowed.

"Until you stop fighting—well, ok that's most likely forever," Sirius admitted.

"Now, run along, you two," Lupin laughed.

"You mean you're not going to reprimand me about how ignorant and stupid my plan is?"

"Actually, I think it's bloody brilliant."

Author's Notes: Ok, ok. I know it's short. I'll update soon. Plus, this chapter was mainly to set the scene for the next couple chapters (idk how long they'll stay like this, yet). FEEL FREE TO GIVE ME ANY IDEAS/SUGGESTIONS FOR WHATEVER. 

Next Chapter: James and Lily in each other's bodies...should be funny. I'm going to torture James in Lily's body, aka Lily. Hehehe...

_**Upcoming Events: Um...you tell me.**_


	12. Being a girl and quidditch

Author's Notes: PARTY because I have 20 reviews!!! It makes me soooo happy. _Pokefreaks13: you guys are awesome! Potter-Harry117: you gave me my 20th review! YEAH! _Enjoy Chapter 12! I do not own any characters. BTW, James is a chaser in my story, I know that in HPSS Movie, it said he was a seeker, but JKR said that he was a chaser. So that is what he is in my story.

Chapter 12

"JAMES! What is this mascara for?" Lily called desperately from Moaning Murtle's bathroom.

"You brush your eyelashes with it! It makes them appear longer and fuller," James replied nonchalantly, leaning against the wall in the lavatory.

"Oh. Does that mean it's not for you lips?" Lily asked nervously.

"LILY!"

"What about this _base_, eye liner, eye shadow, lip gloss, lipstick, and lip liner? And how much perfume am I supposed to put on?" Lily asked slowly.

"Lily, just hold on. I'll put it on for you. Honestly!" James sighed and walked over to where Lily was standing, dumbfounded, in front of the mirror. "Face me." Lily turned, wearing bright blue eye shadow up to her eyebrows, and red lipstick, put sloppily on her lips. "What's that stench?!"

"That's perfume."

"What'd you do?! _Marinate _in it?!" James said with a disgusted look on his face.

"Well," Lily began, "I started to spray it on me, but it was taking too long, so I decided to just unscrew the cap and pour it on myself."

"You're a mor—what happened to your hair?! You look like you just fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down!" James gaped.

"I resent that!" Lily screeched, placing her hands on her hips.

"You're acting more and more like a girl already," James laughed, nodding towards Lily's hips.

"Be quiet and help me with my hair and make-up so we can go to class. We have Transfiguration in 10 minutes," Lily reminded him.

_In Transfiguration..._

"Lily," Professor McGonagall said firmly.

"Huh?" Lily replied.

"_Please, _pay attention."

"I'm sorry, but I feel like crap! I have bad cramps and I want to go curl up in my bed and sleep! Just leave me alone!" Lily burst into tears and darted out of the classroom towards the nearest girl's lavatory, Moaning Myrtle's.

"J—Lily, wait!" James shouted and ran out of the room to chase after Lily. He stopped when he and Lily were both in the bathroom.

"Lily, calm down," James told a teary-eyed girl slumped against the wall.

"I—I feel li—ike cra—ap. Wh—what's wrong wi—ith me—ee?" Lily bawled.

"Nothing is wrong with yo—well—er—yeah..." James attempted to calm her down.

"Then wh—why do I fe—eel so horrible? I have cramps that hurt so ba—aa—ad, and I have no idea why I'm crying so much!" Lily blubbered.

"First things first," James said unflinchingly. "You need to take some Advil. It's a muggle pain-killer, and it will get rid of your cramps in 30 minutes."

"But—it hurts worse than anything I've ever felt before," Lily whimpered. "And why am I crying? I'm not sad or anything, but I just need to cry! I feel so horrible. I want chocolate!"

"PMS," James replied, simply. "Go upstairs and lay down. I'll bring you some Advil and a bar of chocolate. Remus will probably have some, he's addicted to it, I swear."

"Why don't _you _have any chocolate?! Why don't you eat chocolate? What's wrong with you?"

"Just go to bed," James sighed, "Ms. PMS. _I_ don't have to deal with hormonal imbalances! I feel so great! It's great being a guy!" James skipped around the room until Lily hurled a book at his head and started screaming at him. "Sorry!"

"I hate you! I hate everyone! I hate Sirius for making me go deal with all of these hormones! I hate hormones! Everything is so annoying—especially you—stop being happy!" Lily roared.

_Later that day..._

James ventured into Lily's room to check on her. He had a hard time walking up the stairs, because all of the food he had nicked from the kitchen was weighing him down. "Lily?" he called. "Are you awake?"

"I'm awake," she replied calmly. "I'm so happy to see you. You're so sweet to come visit me. Actually, almost all guys are sweet! I have a crush on every boy!"

"I brought you some food; I assumed you would be hungry," James replied, pretending to not hear her.

"Yes!" Lily practically screamed in his ear. "I feel like I could eat a hippogriff!"

"I figured. I bought you some chocolate frogs."

"WHY?! I can take care of myself!" Lily growled.

"I know, but I thought that you might appreciate me getting you food, so that you wouldn't have to get up."

"Are you calling me lazy? Are you saying that I couldn't get my huge butt out of bed to get _food _for _myself_? Are you saying I'm _fat_?!" Lily asked, angrily.

"Why am I even trying to reason with you? Here's your food. I don't care if you eat it. I'm going to go to Quidditch Practice. What position are you again?"

"Stop asking me questions. I'm too tired to answer any more questions. Wasn't going to Transfiguration enough?"

"Just nod or shake your head: Are you a Seeker?" Lily shook her head. "Beater? Keeper? Chaser?" Finally, Lily nodded. "So you're a chaser," James clarified. "And they try and score, right? Right. Take care, Lily." James darted out of the room to practice.

_On the Quidditch Pitch..._

"James, you're late!" cried Frank Longbottom, the captain.

"Sorry," James said sheepishly.

"There's no time for apologies! We're playing Slytherin tomorrow, and we need all of the practice we can get! Hop on that broom so we can start!"

"Er—ok."

"Team, today we are going to do speed drills. I want everybody to go to the far end of the Quidditch Pitch!" Frank instructed. "When I say "go" you will all fly to the other end, dive down and pick up the Quaffle, weave around the goal posts, and return to the starting point. If one of you does not complete the task in less than 9 seconds, the whole team will do it again. You will do this drill until you can all complete the drill in that amount of time. Do you understand?"

"Yes," the team responded and flew to the starting point. James, on the other hand, was too mortified to move from where he was hovering, right next to the stands.

"Li—James!" Sirius said, sitting in the bleachers, "get your butt over there! They're about to start."

"Bu—but I stink at flying!" James argued.

"It doesn't matter, the point is, that if you don't get over there now, you're going to be in big trouble. Go, or I'll hex you!"

"All right, all right, I'm going!" Lily whined. "But I'm warning you, it's not going to be pretty."

"Go!" Frank shouted. The whole Quidditch Team zoomed past James, who was struggling to move, and instantaneously dove for the Quaffle, on the ground.

"Potter, get a move on! I don't want to be doing this all day!" shouted Arthur Weasley.

"I'm sorry," heaved James, "I just can't—gasp—go any faster."

"Well, push it! It will only get harder!" yelled Victor Finnigan.

"I'm going as fast as I can!" James retorted.

"3-4-5-6-7-James move it—9!" Frank shouted and yelled "9" just as James was crossing the line.

"I made it!" James gleefully screamed. "I made it!"

"Again!" Frank yelled.

"But I made it!" James whimpered as he felt himself lose all hope.

"The end of your broom wasn't over the line in time," Frank reminded him. "Again!"

James's teammates were vengefully shooting angry glares at him and cracking their knuckles threateningly. "Sorry," he piped hopefully. It didn't help, his teammates were ready to kill him.

"GO!" Frank yelled. The team, with the exception of James, shot out of the starting point and took their dive for the Quaffle. James was lagging behind as usual, attempting not to fall behind as much.

"Just—keep—moving," James chanted to himself. "It—will—all—be—over—soon. You can do it, just—keep—moving."

"7—8—9—10—11—James you have to finish sometime—14—15—16!" Longbottom sighed. "16?!"

Once again, the Griffindor Quidditch Team was shooting fierce glares at James.

"I think a handicapped _slytherin _could move faster than him," James heard someone whisper to her friend.

"I'M TRYING!" James responded, fiercely.

"Go!"

"No more," James gasped and flew as fast as he could towards his teammates.

"Seven—Eight—Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii—James come on—iiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnne!" Frank yelled at Potter. James still managed to come in late and make the team repeat the drill, once again. The Griffindor team had already spent 19 minutes on the same speed drill, when the Slytherin Team showed up.

"Are you going to be done anytime soon?" Lucius asked.

"As soon as we are done with this drill," Longbottom replied, calmly.

"Hurry up! We have practice in 2 minutes," Lucius reminded him.

"And we have practice now, so run along." Frank then sped away towards his team. "Go."

"C'mon, James!" Sirius encouraged him. "Bloody Merlin, Lily is going to kill you!"

"Not helping," James panted as he flew, slowly, past Sirius.

"Well he—she is! You're ruining her reputation!"

"Bloody Merlin, I'm trying!!!"

"4—5"

"Hey, Jamie, could you go any slower?" Snape taunted from the stands.

"Shut up, you git!" Sirius yelled at him and punched Snape's stomach.

"7—8—9. James, you—you made it! You did it! You finally finished! I don't believe it. I didn't think you would ever finish!"

"I get the bloody point!" James heaved.

"Practice is over," Frank told his team, "go get showers and some sleep. Don't forget: game tomorrow!"

"Prongs, you did it! Good job!" Sirius commended him.

"Must—get—water. Water=good," James mumbled as he limped past Sirius towards his room.

_**Author's Notes: Sorry it took so long to write...I've been busy.**_

_**Next Chapter: Maybe I'll take BandGeek's advice...hehe...**_

_**Upcoming Events: Let's send them to an Amusement Park....I don't know why...but...oh well...**_


	13. No Swimming Allowed!

Author's Notes: I need to get some ideas! HELP ME! Thank you all for reviewing my fic! Please continue to review! I don't own any characters. I know that you all thought that I owned Harry Potter, but I don't. (gasp!) I know! It's amazing. I didn't create this series. Ooooo aaaaa!

Chapter 13

"Where'd Lily go?" James asked Sirius under a giant oak tree outside.

"I think she went swimming in the pond, but I don't know. You should keep closer tabs on that hoodlum," Sirius replied and took a large bite out of a Yellow Delicious Apple.

"She went swimming?!" James gasped.

"Yeah, so?"

"So?! She could start her period any minute! She had wicked PMS yesterday!" James explained, yelling at a cringing Sirius.

"Ew! Don't talk about that stuff! I don't want to know!" Sirius squealed and covered his ears with his hands.

"Did you just _squeal!?_ I can't believe you just _squealed!_ All I said was _period _and _PMS_." James laughed. He started counting off on his fingers while he listed topics. "It's not like I started talking about pads or cramps or blood or mood swings or tamp—"

"STOP!" Sirius begged while on his knees and bowing. "I can't take anymore. It's gross. It's disgusting. It's icky. Please, please stop! I beg of you!"

"You're such a wimp. Anyway, I'd better go find her before she starts swimming in her own blood," James said nonchalantly. He jogged over to the side of the pond and stopped abruptly: it was too late. James tossed off the t-shirt he had been wearing and dove into the pond. "Lily!"

"What do you want?" Lily asked and splashed him in the face.

"Quit that! You don't have time to splash around!"

"And why not?" Lily mused.

"Because you're _special_," he hinted because a couple of Slytherins were on their way over.

"Huh?"

"You're a _woman_."

"Huh?"

"Let's hope there are no sharks around."

"Huh?"

"Red water."

"Huh?"

"It's that time of the month."

"No, the full moon is _next _week, besides, it's daylight. You don't have to worry about Remus and his _condition_," Lily rolled her eyes at James.

"For Merlin's sake! Um, punctuation at the end of a sentence," James whispered frantically, because the slytherins were only a few yards away.

"Exclamation Point!"

"No you_ bloody_ git!"

"Question Mark!"

"What don't you _bloody_ understand?!"

"Comma?"

"NO! Why are you so _bloody_ thick?!"

"Am I supposed to answer that?" Lily asked.

"Are you _injured,_ or is the water naturally that color?"

"You're not making any sense. Special? Red water? Injuries? The full moon?_ Punctuation?!" _Lily inquired.

"For _Merlin's sake_!" James whispered "_You_ need to get out of the water, because it is turning _red_ around _you_, the color of _your_ _blood_! Menstruation—you—in the water!"

"So what are you trying to say?" Lily asked with her face contorted in concentration and confusion.

"You're having your _bloody period!_ Go put a pad or a tampon on!" James yelled into her ear, not caring if Lily went deaf.

"Ew! No!" Lily said and wrinkled up her face in disgust. _Slap!_ Lily's face was red and stinging.

"GO!" James bellowed and raised his hand threateningly.

"How dare you hit her?!" Malfoy spat at James from a few feet away.

"Hey, sweetie!" James smiled in a seducing manner.

"What's bloody wrong with you? You're _me_, a _guy!" _Lily hissed under breath, for only James to hear.

"Who are you calling _sweetie_?" Malfoy asked, eyebrows raised.

"Um—er—uh—_me!_" Lily lied.

"Yeah, right!" James burst, not thinking.

"Then who?" Malfoy scoffed.

"James, Lily, isn't it time we went to lunch?" Sirius interrupted.

"YES!" they shouted instantaneously.

"Farewell," Sirius feigned regret to leave a furious and baffled Malfoy.

_In Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom..._

"Why do _girl's _get _candy machines_ in their bathrooms? Guys don't; it's not fair!" Lily complained.

"_Candy machines_?" James mused. "You mean the things that hold _feminine hygiene products_? Speaking of which, here you go," James said and handed Lily a stack of feminine hygiene products.

"What's this?" Lily asked and picked up a tampon and started tossing it into the air and catching it behind her back.

"A tampon," James replied. "What else?!"

"Er—" James said after a long pause, "what do I do with it?"

"Well, you put it inside of you."

"When you say "inside" you don't actually mean _inside_, right?"

"Take this book. My mum gave it to me when I turned 12, it's pretty clear about puberty and the like. Just read it, and you'll be fine." James handed Lily a small book with _An Idiot's Guide to Periods_ on the front.

"Do I have to?" Lily whined and then burst into tears, once again.

"It's not that bad,_ honestly. _Read it."

_In the Great Hall..._

The Great Hall was completely empty, with the exception of Remus, Sirius, and Lily, because it was 3 o'clock and dinner wouldn't be for another 2 ½ hours.

"Yuck!" Lily gagged.

"What?" Remus and Sirius asked.

"Tampons have to be the grossest thing I've ever heard of!"

"Very true, and I don't want to _"hear of them" _anymore, thank you very much," Remus replied firmly.

"Well you take the tampon and you—"

"I'm not lis—stening!" Sirius said in a sing-songy**_(A/N: hehe I think I just made that word up hehe)_** voice.

"You take the tampon—" shouted of Remus's moans of agony and Sirius's threats and bribes. "and—"

"I'll kill you!"

"you—"

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Remus yelled, overdramatically and collapsed off his seat and onto the floor.

"I'll switch you back!" Sirius bribed, defiantly.

"Really?" Lily asked, switching back to reality and wrapping Sirius and Lupin into a giant hug.

"Yes." Sirius sighed as a pink spark shot out of his wand and hit Lily in the chest.

_**A/N: Whoohoo! I postponed my homework (innocent look) so that I could post. So be grateful. Anyway, hope you liked it...I don't...but that's just me. The next one will be better...if I can think of what to do...**_

**_Next Chapter: Well...James and Lily are back in their original bodies...and I don't know what's going to happen yet...but I do now some future events that I may or may not get to in Chapter 14! (applause) _**

_**Future Events: I want to incorporate some mythological people...probably just one...vote now: Greek or Roman and vote: if Greek, Aphrodite (love); Aros (cupid); Athena (wisdom and war); Hermes (messenger); or something that you think of...And if Roman: Venus (love); Cupid (cupid, hehe); Mercury (messenger); Minerva (wisdom and war) or should I just not do this at all? VOTE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_


	14. Mary's Complete Insanity

Author's Notes: It has been brought to my attention (by the voices in my head) that I haven't given Remus a big enough part, not to mention he hasn't transformed _once_ during my story. I feel so guilty! WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Well moving on, if I had ownership of JKR's characters and junk Sirius would still be alive along w/ James. But, alas, I don't own anything, except my gorgeous little fic. Hehehehe bwahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! And from a special request of my annoying neighbor.

_**And now, for something completely different...**_

_**(BTW: I don't own that line; it's from Monty Python and the Flying Circus.)**_

"Ow! Don't hit me!" your beloved author shouts while typing.

"I'm not annoying! I'm the wonderful, Mary!"

"I don't want you in my bloody story! You're going destroy the plot line single-handedly! You'll make my characters out of character!!!" I shout back as a swat team of lawyers start breaking down my door. "I mean JK Rowling's characters! I didn't mean it! Please don't hurt me!!!!"

"I want to be in the story! I want to punch someone and have them go flying across the room and crash into a wall and crack it!!!!"

"You're insane!"

"THAAAAANK YOOOOOU!!!"

"I hate you!"

"Ooooo gangsta!"

"Go Tom Welling!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! He's a woman!"

"He's less of a woman than Orlando Bloom!" I scream defiantly while I hurriedly type this, and the swat team of lawyers enters the room, guns ablaze.

"SURRENDER NOW!!!" the leader of the swat team shouts while sporting a Bush/Cheney pin of evil. (republicans, please don't kill me)

"I'll never surrender!!!!!!!!! I must write this fanfic for my adoring fans!!!"

"PUT ME IN THE STORY!!!!"

"YOU DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!" the swat team reminds me as they all pull out a contract, a _laminated_ contract.

"FIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I sigh/shout. "I admit it; I don't own Harry Potter, and, Mary, I will put you in this chapter. It'll be a special guest appearance. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! And you," I point to the evil lawyers, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU BLOODY GITS!!!!"

Chapter 14

"Remus, can I talk to you," a voice trembled from behind him.

"Sure, what is it?" Remus replied, his voice full of concern. It was a little after 9 o'clock pm, and they were standing in an empty corridor, their designated meeting spot.

"It's about us," came the reply of a skinny blonde girl, wringing her hands together nervously. Remus didn't like where the conversation was going. "Iwanbreaup," she spurted out, incoherently.

"Huh?" Remus asked not sure if he wanted her to clarify what she had just told him.

"We need to break up; I've met someone," Mary told him with genuine sympathy.

"B—bu—who?" Remus stammered as he felt his heart break in half and shatter like a thin, worthless piece of glass. **_(Mary's thoughts on what I should write "then he started singing a rendition of "I Will Survive", except that this time, it went. "I Won't Survive". Mary chimed in and they ran down the hall like happy but psycho lunatics, singing.") _**

"His name's James," she sighed dreamily, and Remus's eyes bugged out of his face.

"WHAT?!" he yelled, forgetting his sadness for a moment.

"Not _Potter!_" she rolled her eyes. "He goes to Beauxbatons; he's a drummer. I met him at a the Chudley Cannons Quidditch Match—"

"I don't need a full report on how you to fell in love, ok!" Remus turned away so that he could hide his teary-eyed face. "I—I have to go. Bye." Remus said, dismally.

"That's harsh, mate." James said sensitively. James, Sirius, and Remus were sitting in front of the fire in the common room. "I can't believe that she just broke up with you like that—and for a _drummer_!"

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Sirius inquired, blankly.

"Mary broke up with Remus," James clarified.

"Remus has a _girlfriend?!_ _Remus?!"_ Sirius gaped.

"Had," Peter corrected as he took a seat on the reclining chair.

"_You_ knew, too?!"

"Well, yeah. You'd have to be pretty thick to not know it. He'd only been dating her for 1 and ½ years," Peter added sarcastically and took a bite out of a carrot; he was on a diet.

"_YEARS?!!!" _Sirius shouted, becoming angry that nobody cared to notify him. "Why didn't you guys tell me?"

"We just assumed that you knew," James told him, feeling guilty about keeping their friend in the dark.

"Who _is _Mary? I don't even know her."

"She's a 5th year Griffindor. She has blonde hair—short—thin—and she has the most beautiful greenish/grayish/bluish/hazelish eyes I've ever seen," Remus sniffed.

"Don't worry about it. She doesn't deserve you," James reassured him.

"Don't you mean that _I_ don't deserve _her_?" Remus spat. "She was the nicest, most caring girlfriend I've ever had."

"You mean the only girlfriend you've ever had. Don't you?" Sirius asked, becoming more paranoid by the minute.

"No," James answered for Remus. "He dated a Ravenclaw named Allison when we were in 4th year, but that only lasted 2 months. She went to a muggle prison because she murdered a cheerleader while she was visiting her family during Winter Break. I held a new respect for her after that, but with her in prison it couldn't have worked between us."

"Is that all, or is Remus secretly a monster?"

"No and yes. And you already knew that. Werewolf, remember?"

"Oh yeah. I feel stupid."

"He also dated a girl named Liz in 3rd year. They broke up after she telepathically read his mind and caught a glimpse of his—er—condition. She never found out, but she came too close for comfort."

"Why didn't anybody tell me?!"

"We just did."

"Shut up, that doesn't count. Besides, there are things you don't know about me."

"Yeah, right. Like what?!"

"How does it feel to be out of the loop, Prongs?" Sirius asked him, basking in the glory of knowledge.

"I don't even want you to tell me."

"Fine. Then I'll just _tell _you." Sirius cackled evilly. "I'm friends with Aphrodite. I rescued her from an angry dragon. See, the dragon started chasing her after she got lost and accidentally wandered into a dragon cave. The dragon, Norwegian Ridgeback, chased her into a lake. I just happened to be nearby, and I saved her from a watery demise."

"Yeah, I believe that." Remus scoffed, and then added sardonically, "and Mary is the most graceful person in the world. Speaking of Mary, I miss her so much!"

**_Author's Notes: This is the shortest chapter on earth but I want to post it. Hehe don't you love me? Of course you do._**

_**Special Guest Stars in Chapter 14: MARY! ALLISON! LIZZIE!**_

_**Next Chapter: Aphrodite is going to guest star. WOOHOO!!! and mary (j/k) (not) (fine, Mary! You can be in another stupid chapter and destroy it more!!!!)**_

_**Upcoming Events: I'm to random to be able to think that far ahead.**_


	15. When Lupins attack

Author's Notes: Hey, all! As you all know, I may have a mythological visitor....I think that it will be either Aphrodite or Cupid. VOTE NOW!!!! If I owned Harry Potter, I would be too busy swimming in all of my cash to write a stupid fanfic....

Chapter 15

"Uh, Moony," James began, nervously. He took a seat on Remus's bed. Lupin hadn't left there all weekend, and everyone was getting worried about him.

"What do you want?" Remus mumbled rolling over on his side, so that he wasn't facing James.

"Well, two things. First, get your arse out of bed! You've been sulking all weekend over a stupid, psychotic girl that doesn't even deserve your tears."

"Who said I was crying?!" Lupin snapped at him and sat up in his bed. "And I am not _sulking_, I'm simply reflecting upon the meaning of life."

"I'll tell you what the meaning of life is, it's to get you're butt out of bed, get under the invisibility cloak, and run around Hogwarts wreaking havoc on everybody," James replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "C'mon we can go to the kitchens, and then we need to talk..."

"About wha—" he began, but James cut him off, and pulled him towards the kitchens.

"So, now that we are happily eating chocolate, everything will be a lot easier to understand and handle, right, Moony?" James asked hopefully, with a stupid grin on his face.

"What did you do this time, Prongs?" Lupin asked in between bites of chocolate chip cookies.

"Well—er—you know how Lily and I switched bodies..."

"Just spit it out, Prongs."

"Well—er—when we were in the lake, Lily and I, she was hinting to me about a _feminine emergency _I was having at the time, and I didn't exactly getting what she was saying."

"Does what you're saying have a point?" Remus asked him, bitterly.

"_Yes!_ If you would let me finish a sentence without interruption for once!"

"Fine, fine. Go on." Remus held up his hands in exaggerated surrender.

"Well, she told me that _it's that time of the month_—and I thought she meant the full moon...."

"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!"

"As I was saying, I told her that the full moon wasn't for another week...and she kind of figured it out...about you...she told me in the hall that she knew you were a—"

"WEREWOLF?!" Remus offered, angrily.

"Er—yeah."

"I'm going to bloody kill you!" Lupin screamed, jumped out of the chair he was in, and charged at James. "Why would you say something like that? You know nobody can know!"

"Sorry, sorry! It was an accident!"

"I'll kill you and make it _look _like an _accident!" _Remus continued his pursuit towards a very intimidated-looking James.

"PPPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDFFFFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!" James screamed in desperation and ducked behind a sofa in order to dodge a hex zooming towards him. "HELP ME! MOONY HAS GONE MAD! MAD I TELL YOU, MAD!!!!!!!!!"

"What do you people want? It's 11 o'clock in the morning?! I'm trying to slee—" Sirius yawned and stopped in mid-sentence at the maniacal sight in front of him. "What the bleeding Merlin is going on? Moony? James? Care to explain?"

"I—gasp—accidentally—gasp—told Lily about—Remus being a—werewolf—when we swapped bodies—and Moony is clearly—AAAHHHH—overreacting!" James dodged, yet another, curse from Remus, and Sirius decided that it was time to step-in.

"_Immobulis!"_ Sirius shouted, freezing the entire room, with the exception of a horrified James. "And you actually _told _him you did that—after what just happened about his ex?! You're such a moron, I think you deserve to be killed to prevent any future off-spring."

"I resent that!" James glared at his friend, while straightening his robes and messing-up his hair. "I was just trying to be honest, besides, the full moon is tonight anyway."

"So what you're saying is: you thought it would be best to tell him _right before_ he turned into an evil, angry, hairy monster with fangs." Sirius then did a double take, "Hey! I'm supposed to be the stupid one lacking all form of common sense. Don't steal my title!"

"Nobody is capable of that; don't worry." James stuck out his tongue and taunted Sirius until Sirius thought it would be funny to unfreeze Remus and let James fend for his life.

"_Finite Incantatum!" _Sirius said, pointing his wand at Remus. Lupin wasted no time in attacking James again.

"_STUPEFY!"_ Lupin advanced on his opponent throwing curses every which way. Finally, one hit James, square in the chest. He fell to the ground, rigid. Remus was about to fight the muggle way with an immobile opponent, but Sirius had had his revenge on James.

"Moony," Sirius stated calmly. "Step away from James. You do _not_ want to kill him. You're not being reasonable." He noticed that he wasn't getting through to Remus, and quickly added, "you can kill him, but you'll be expelled." That worked. Remus snapped back to reality and freed James from his spell.

At Lunch... 

You know, Padfoot, I still can't believe you expected us to believe you saved Aphrodite's life. It's not even plausible!" James laughed.

"I _did_!" Sirius argued. "In the summer going into our 5th year. I was really upset at my parents, surprise, surprise, and so I ran away and ended up in this strange place...I still don't know where I was. But, I saw her, she was beautiful, and after I saved her, she told me that she would forever be in my debt."

"I wish that were true, maybe she could have gotten Mary to fall in love with me again," Remus sighed, wistfully.

"You need to get over her, Moony. And you," James said, turning to look Sirius directly in his eyes, "stop lying about Aphrodite. It's pathetic really."

"I'm not lying!"

"Sure."

"Whatever you say, Padfoot."

"I'll prove it!" Sirius yelled at them and ran out of the room.

"APHRODITE!" Sirius yelled, standing outside of Hogwarts, next to the pond. "APHRODI—" He stopped suddenly because the water started rippling uncontrollably. The pond turned into a whirlpool of water, and then transformed into what looked like a mini-hurricane. A few moments later, there sat Aphrodite at the side of the pond, looking up at Sirius with omniscient eyes.

"So you want me to prove to your friends that you know me?" she yawned, mockingly.

"There's no need to be snooty about it," Sirius said, becoming offended.

"I wasn't being snooty. I just don't appreciate being called upon every time you want to impress one of your little friends."

"Actually, Aphro—"

"I've told you before, don't call me that. I don't want everybody to know who I am!"

"Sorry, what would you rather be called?" Sirius asked her.

"How about Catherine; I've always been partial to that name."

"Fine, _Catherine_. It's more than that. You see, my friend, James—he's in love with Lily. And when I went to the future with her, we found out that they are destined to get married and have a kid, Harry."

"So what's the problem?" the goddess asked growing impatient.

"The problem is that she hates him, and there is no way to get them together—without a little help, of course. That's where you come in."

"Sounds interesting," she mused, twirling her hair fetchingly.

**_Author's Notes: Wow! Another short chapter, but the wait was really short, so be happy. Hope you liked it, I think it was a very dull chapter, but I wanted to get Aphrodite in there and some other junk. Next chapter should be interesting as Aphrodite put it. Lol._**

_**Next Chapter: Aphrodite plays matchmaker, but will her goddess powers be enough?**_

_**Future Events: uh...**_


	16. I'm not dating you!

**_Author's Notes: If you haven't already: go and read Zodiac Attack by aquarius25. It's an awesome story written by my long time Aquarius buddy! 3rd grade!!! Also, my favorite song is online at , and it's called Talk to me, Dance with me. Hehe we play it in marching band!!! Enough about my hobbies...or lack there of....I don't own any characters!!! ENJOY CHAPTER...um, 16? I forget....oh well...it's chapter 16 now!_**

Chapter 16

"I didn't realize your friend had such a troubled heart," Aphrodite's misty voice informed Sirius, busy trying to do his Potions homework.

"Neither did I, but who's keeping track?" Sirius snapped while biting the tip of his quill, nervously.

"Lily doesn't seem to hate him as much as you thought. She actually seems to think he's nice."

"I guess everybody is full of surprises."

"Yes, I suppose. I'll have you know, I am not going to be revealing myself to anyone but you. I will take the form of a 6th year Griffindor, named Catherine, so I will be able to be with you in your classes, etc." Aphrodite then transformed into a girl, about 5'4'', with beautiful, flowing long blonde hair, the most brilliantly colored green eyes, and a perfect complexion, pale, but full of life.

"Great, but could you please give me a minute alone. I really have to get this essay do—what's become of me?!" Sirius practically shouted to the entire world. "I've never worried about homework in my life, and I'm not about to start now!" And with that, Sirius jumped out of his chair and stormed off to the kitchens, his favorite hang-out spot.

"Humans," Aphrodite sighed, disapprovingly.

"Jam—," Lily called and stopped speaking when her eyes fell onto the most beautiful girl she had ever seen, standing in the common room. "Oh," her voice seemed to reflect her mood: anxious, depressed, and aggravated. "I'm sorry, but who are you, and what are you doing here?"

"I'm Catherine," the girl smiled brightly. "And you would be?"

"Lily. Are you a transfer student?"

"So many questions for such a young girl. You seem as though you don't trust me," Aphrodite pointed out, strategically avoiding any more questions this girl was planning on throwing at her.

"I trust you, at least I have no reason to distrust you." Lily showed no signs off backing down. "You never answered my question, Catherine."

"Well, if you must know, I'm in Griffindor and a 6th year student."

"That doesn't explain why you're _here._" Lily said losing the sweetness in her voice.

"You have no right to talk to me like that, insignificant hu—" Aphrodite boomed, but luckily, was interrupted by Sirius.

"APH—Catherine," Sirius asked harshly. "What are you doing here, still? I thought you were going to spend some time with my _dear_ friend."

"I have had enough of this human scum for one day!" Aphrodite shouted and left the room.

"Human scum?" Lily asked suspiciously. "Who _exactly_ was that? No lying."

"Catherine. She—er—she's a friend of mine. She just came here from being home-schooled. She has a bit of a temper, but she's very nice once you get to know her."

"I _will_ find out, Sirius," Lily said, plainly. "Oh, and where's James. I've been meaning to talk to him."

"He's with Remus, they're outside, maybe near the lake. But I wouldn't recommend intruding...they're having quite a ro— "

"Thanks," Lily said and dashed out of the room.

Under a tree outside... 

"Remus, please _try _to understand," James pleaded. He was turned to face Remus, but Remus was turned away gazing off.

"I _do _understand. You _accidentally_ told Lily that I was a werewolf. Thanks a lot. You _promised _me you would never tell!"

"I didn't mean to hurt you! Please forgive me."

"And why should I?"

"Moony," James said softly.

"Prongs, the point is, you didn't think. As usual."

"It's not _all_ my fault. If you and Sirius hadn't done that spell, none of this would have happened."

"That's beside the point!" Moony turned and glared with cold eyes, towards a sympathetic and paining, James. "I don't want to talk about this right now. The full moon is tonight. Don't bother coming, James." Lupin jumped up and ran off towards the school.

"Moony! Remus! Lupin!" James shouted, and Remus turned to look at him for a moment, and then ran into an unsuspecting Lily.

"Sorry," he muttered, and then looked at her. Something seemed different to them both, but neither was able to place it.

"Yeah, me too." Lily smiled. "I wasn't looking at where I was going. Oh, have you seen James."

"Sadly." Lily was puzzled at this remark, but before she had to ask where Lupin had responded. "He's under that tree. That reminds me, Lily, I need to talk to you."

"Tonight?"

"NO!" Remus accidentally screamed into her ear.

"Sor—"

"Don't apologize. I just well, you know, tonight—the full moon. How about tomorrow morning—around 8? I'll meet you outside you're room. There's this room—no one will hear us—it's hidden."

"Ok, bye!" Lily gave him one last smile and turned to where James was sulking.

"James," she called and sat down next to him. "We need to talk."

"You're breaking up with me?!" James cried out, dumbly.

"We were never going out?!"

"Oh, right."

"So you're not breaking up with me?!"

"No."

"I love you, too, Lily."

"That's _not_ what I meant, James."

"Darn."

"Could you focus?"

"Doubtfully." Lily threw him a very dark look, and he added, "but I'll try."

"It's about Remus."

"Oh. He's really mad at me about telling you. I feel so badly, I didn't mean to let it slip...but I just—"

"I understand. Have you tried talking to him?"

"Of course I've tried talking to him!" James answered. "Do you think I'm stupid?! Don't answer that. He just won't hear me out. I didn't mean to."

"I know. Remus is just confused, frightened; he doesn't know what to do, where to turn...he needs your help."

"I never realized how much you worried about him. Are you cheating on me?!"

"I'm not dating you!"

"Oh, right."

"So you really do love me."

"JAMES! READ MY LIPS: I DON'T LOVE YOU. I DON'T EVEN _LIKE _YOU. I AM NOT DATING YOU, AND I NEVER WILL."

"You've broken my heart, Lils." James threw his hand over his heart and fell back in a dramatic act and tumbled down the hill and into the lake, accidentally.

"JAMES!" Lily yelled. "Are you alright?"

"No-o-o-o," he gurgled half the pond while he replied.

"C'mon. You need to change into some dry clothes." Lily ran down towards him and slipped in the process and fell into the lake with him. "URGH!"

"Just couldn't stay away from me, huh?" he toyed, flirtatiously.

"Sod off."

"Ok, ok. Let's go. I'll help you out." James got out of the lake himself and then gripped Lily's arm to hoist her out, but Lily wanted revenge on his accusations of dating. She pulled back with all her might, and James flipped over her head and landed, face-first, into the water. "LILY! I'm going to kill y—" he didn't get to finish his sentence, because Lily magically sent a large wave of water that crashed into James's face, causing him to swallow more water.

_**Author's Notes: Eh, that's enough for now. I'm tired of writing. I'll finish this junk later.**_

_**Next Chapter: Transformation, I promise.**_

**_Future Events: More Aphrodite, more Lily, more Remus...and maybe, maybe, another glimpse or so of Mary, but no promises._**


	17. Transformations

_**Author's Notes: Jeez, you people! What's with your obsession w/ a certain psycho named Mary. Lol. Ok, fine. I'll put her back in ...but I don't think it'll be this chapter. I've promised myself that I would have Remus transform, then my diabolical plan, then the amazing conclusion which might involve Merwin. Hehe. I HAVE TOO MANY PSYCHOTIC NEIGHBORS!!! twitch twitch hehehehe I OWN THE CHARACTER MARY!!! Cackle. But that's all...darn...I wish I owned Sirius. HE WOULD BE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Chapter 17

Remus, Sirius, and Peter were already inside of the Shrieking Shack, preparing for the night's event, Remus's transformation. Lupin was collapsed on the ground in pain, as a strong ray of light from the moon shone onto Remus's weakened body. Sirius and Peter had decided it would be best if they transformed as soon as possible, just in case Remus's transformation went awry.

"Moony!" Peter squeaked. **_(A/N: lol, I know, already I have another author's note...but here's the deal. I have no idea how they communicate as animals (if they even can) and I want them to be able to talk...so they can talk telepathically thanks to a spell...of some form....er...plot hole!!!)_**

****"Moony, are you alright, mate?"

"Of course I'm not alright!" Lupin growled, telepathically, finally completing the transformation and managing to hold onto his human mind.

"Where's Prongs?" asked the clueless one. **_(A/N: Peter.)_**

****"Don't ask," Lupin and Sirus replied simultaneously.

"Er—ok."

"C'mon let's go explore!" Sirius leapt into the air and was about to run out the door, when he came face to face with...

_**Author's Notes: ok, that's it: the end of the chapter. JUST KIDDING!!! Sorry, I'm hyper right now...it's 11:36...who can blame me. It's a cliff-hanger...but I'll complete this thought in a minute or two...don't worry!!!**_

_**A bit earlier, we join our character, James...and in another second, Lily, inside of Hogwarts...also, this scene ends when it rejoins w/ the above events. Get it? And if not...just keep reading...**_

_I can't believe Moony. What does he think he's doing, not letting me help him through his transformations. I have to go. I can't just abandon him like that. It's insanity. Why does he have to be so stub—_

"Potter!" Lily shouted from down the hall.

"Be quiet! You'll wake everyone up," he whispered. "We're on a last name basis again are we?"

"Can't you stay focused? I swear you have ADD."

"ADHD," he corrected. "Hey, I'm not as bad as Mary."

"Who?"

"Remus's ex-girlfriend. She was the crazy one—hyperactive too."

"That's beside the point, James."

"Stop switching. James—Potter—egotistical nark—James—moron—make up your mind."

"FOCUS!!!"

"Sorry."

"Where does Remus go when he transforms."

"I'm not telling you _that_. Moony is mad enough with me already. There's no way I'm going to make it worse for myself."

"Just tell me."

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"I'll go out with you."

James's face contorted in frustration. _The love of my life versus a murderous werewolf...love or angry murderer...betraying my friend...getting to date the woman of my dreams. _

"James?"

"Huh?" he responded blankly.

"Tell me."

"I ca—a—an't!" he wailed.

"Sssshhhh!" she clapped her hand over his mouth and pulled out her wand. "Either you take me to where Remus is, or I'll hex you into next millennium."

"Is that any way to talk to your future husband?" James's muffled voice mocked.

"Don't make me hex you." Lily pointed her wand towards a spot he'd rather not have injured. "_Destri—!" _James squealed and enthusiastically agreed to show her exactly where Remus would be, but not before he warned her numerous times about how Remus acted around human blood. They walked out of Hogwarts and towards the Whomping Willow, when they came face to face with...

_**A/N: Déjà vu, anyone? In case you couldn't figure it out...we're back to the part where Sirius came face to face with...bu buuuu bummmmmmmm...I wonder who it could be?**_

In a tangle of confusion and words, everyone was now staring blankly at everybody else.

"Sirius?"

"Moony?"

"Prongs?"

"Lupin?"

"P—what's your name again?"

"Padfoot?"

"LILY?!"

"Remus?"

"Mrs. Potter?" gaped, none other than, Sirius.

"Evans?!"

"Black. Sod off."

"Peter?!" Peter interjected, not wanting to feel left out of all of the names being shouted in mass confusion. Everybody just turned and stared at him, not sure whether to burst out laughing or punch him because of his immense stupidity.

"STOP!!!" Remus yelled into their minds. "What the bleeding hell is going on, and what is she doing here?"

Remus quickly began to lose control of his body, because of the scent of Lily's blood. He lunged at her but in the blink of an eye, a White Bengal Tiger with bright green eyes had taken her place. **_(A/N: for those who don't know, a wbt is a white tiger with grey stripes for pics go to _****_http:www.tiger.to/aft/index.html_******No one in the room seemed to be functioning at that point. It was the middle of the night, the insanity of the people, or lack there of, in the room seemed to be the breaking point. James, being the first to recover, intelligently stuttered phrases, resembling, well, english, we think.

"You—tiger—Lily—form—trans—not—human—but—how—bu—?"

"AAAHHHH!" yelled Sirius, mentally of course, running around in circles chasing his tail. "The giraffe ate Lily! The giraffe ate Lily!" This caused Peter, always being a little slow, mentally and physically, to faint.

"That's a tiger, Padfoot." Remus corrected, being the first to use his brain, seeing as how he is the only one that has one.

"Oh! The tiger ate Lily!"

"The tiger didn't _eat_ Lily."

"My brain hurts."

"Tiger—person—ate—oh no—Padfoot, you're right—it ate her!"

"Both of you, listen to me." The werewolf stepped in front of Prongs and Padfoot and growled menacingly. "Lily is apparently an animagus. She transformed into a tiger, so that I couldn't smell her human blood."

"I see." James said.

"'I see', said the blind man to his deaf wife," Sirius laughed.

"You're both morons," Lily finally communicated with them.

"Also, Prongs, I never want to hear the words _Padfoot, you're right_ come out of you're mouth, ever again."

"I couldn't agree more," Lily nodded her tiger head in approval.

"I resent that."

"Is P—what's-his-face alive?" Lily asked.

"You mean Peter?" Lupin clarified.

"Yeah. Him."

"He's just unconscious. He'll be fine."

"Why is _she_ here, James?" Lupin growled.

"She threatened to kill me."

"Right."

"Wait a second. Lily is an animangus! How long have you been able to transform?" Sirius said.

"About 2 years...I was reading this book about magic right after I received my acceptance letter, and I thought it was really cool, so I learned how."

"She's so perfect and amazing," James drooled.

"Close your mouth, Prongs," Sirius laughed. "You're drooling."

"It's almost morning," sighed Peter.

"When did you wake up?" James asked, but before he got his response, Lupin had fallen back onto the ground and transformed into a human, once again.

"C'mon, we should go," Lily yawned, rubbing her human eyes. They all transformed again, and went into the school.

_**Author's Notes: I don't really like this ending too much, but I had the transformation and Lily's transformation...so it's good enough.**_

**_Next Chapter: More Aphrodite, more Mary, and more Lupin and James. Hehe_**

**_Future Events: Bwahahaha_**


	18. Happy Birthday, Mary!

**_Author's Notes: Happy Belated Birthday, Merwin! I don't own any characters. VOTE KERRY! Now presenting, Chapter 18!_**

Chapter 18

"Catherine," a fetching voice came from behind Aphrodite. "I do believe you are the most beautiful thing to grace this Earth." Catherine turned around to face a platinum blonde decked out in a green and silver wizard robe.

"Lucius," she giggled, "I'm beginning to think this infatuation for me is getting serious."

"Please except this as a token of my affection." Malfoy handed her a red rose that magically blossomed when it touched her hand.

"I'm afraid I cannot, I prefer white roses."

"OOOOOOO SHUT DOWN!" a guy bellowed, obnoxiously, as he defensively stepped beside Aphrodite.

"Sod off, Black," Malfoy snarled.

"I'm going to have to ask you not to speak to him like that," Aphrodite spoke calmly, but the bitterness in her voice was apparent.

"You don't know who this is though; he's a trouble-making scoundrel!" Lucius growled. "You're new here, but I could show you the ropes, make you comfortable."

"Are you saying that I'm dependent on others?"

"No—I'm saying—that it would be easier if you had help—or something," Malfoy stuttered.

"Oh, so, you're saying I'm not capable of helping myself."

"You're twisting my words around!"

"So, I'm a liar now?"

"You're insufferable!" Malfoy stormed away from a fuming Catherine and a laughing Sirius.

"That was interesting," she sighed and sat down on a red couch.

"Never a dull moment with that lunatic," Sirius nodded and took a seat next to her, propping his feet up on the table in front of the couch, and resting an arm on the back of it. "Oh, by the way, how's the Lily thing going, any progress?"

"Well, he likes her, as much as it bothers him to admit it—"

"That's _him_ for ya'."

"Ya'? Please speak properly around me," Aphrodite scolded and continued on with what she was saying. "She is basically the same thing. She doesn't feel that she knows him well enough to commit, though."

"How can you know all this?!" Sirius gaped.

"I'm telepathic when it comes to emotions of love. Besides," Aphrodite yawned and put her feet on the table, too, before continuing, "I am a _goddess_, after all. Seriously though—"

"That's me!" he interrupted.

"You're so weird." And with that, Catherine stood up and transformed into her Goddess form. "That form is so bland and stereotypical."

"And the form you're in now, _isn't?!_"

"Well, at least it's my true form. I'm going to go create some "love triangles."

"For a goddess of love, you sure are evil, sometimes."

"Oh well," Aphrodite smiled and before she disappeared in a swirl of light and color, Sirius shouted to her that her sorting would be that night at dinner.

_**(A/N: what do you know, it's dinner-time, already.)**_

_That Night at Dinner..._

"Now that you have all eaten and drunken," Dumbledore's voice rang across the Great Hall and over the loud talking of the students, "it is time I introduce our new transfer student, who is visiting for a few weeks." Catherine stepped up to the front of the Great Hall, void of any fear or self-doubt a person would normally feel. "Catherine—er—what is your last name, dear?"

"Um—er—" she stuttered under Dumbledore's mistrustful glare.

"Olympus," Sirius interrupted.

"As in the home of the _Goddesses and Gods_?"

"No," she replied, regaining her poise and confident aura, "it's simply a family name."

"Very well." Dumbeldore nodded and gave her a forced smile and attempted to hide his distrust. "Now, Catherine, if you would please sit on that stool and place the Sorting Hat onto your head, we can get started."

"Alright." She walked over, though it seemed to most as if she were gliding, for she was so graceful, and took her place on an old, wooden stool and slipped the hat onto her head.

"_Let me see, let me see," _the Sorting Hat projected thoughts into her mind. "_Lots of love, confident, a bit on the arrogant side, if you don't mind me saying. You seem to have a superiority complex, also. I do believe you would be best suited for Slytherin, but you **are** very sincere." _There was a long pause in the Sorting Hats thoughts, just silence, eerie, blank, silence.After a few minutes the Hat finally started showing signs of life, an explosion, to be exact._ "What happened?! I can't read any thoughts? Not even acclumency can prevent me from reading someone's thoughts, not even Dumbledore. Now, why, may I ask, can I not read your thoughts? It makes no sense!"_

_"Perhaps," Aphrodite hissed, mentally, "it is because I don not **wish** for you to be reading my thoughts. Perhaps, it is because you have no right to read my thoughts."_

_"My dear," _the hat shot back, _"it is my job to sort you, and I cannot do that with you being so stubborn and difficult."_

_"I don't want some shabby, old hat to tell me in which house my destiny lays."_

_"Yes, but you **need** me to tell you."_

_"That's quite alright, I think I'd rather choose my own house, thank you."_

"Sl—Griffindor!" the house shouted and then collapsed into a heap as Catherine tossed the worn hat aside. Aphrodite resumed sitting next to Sirius at the Griffindor Table.

"What did you do to the hat?" Sirius glared.

"I just used a little goddess power to persuade him," she answered innocently and then planted a kiss on his cheek to "seal the deal."

"I think I'm in love," Sirius mocked batting his eyelashes and falling to the ground. She laughed, after realizing he was imitating Malfoy. "Goddesses aren't ones for catching on to jokes quickly, are they?"

She playfully slapped the back of his head, which made James, finally zoning into the conversation, spew Pumpkin Juice out of his nose and onto Catherine.

Aphrodite turned to face the culprit, who was still laughing, until he noticed her icy glare. James turned a lovely shade of crimson and started messing up his hair, compulsively.

"Er—sorry—I—I—I—." Sirius seemed to find this unbelievable amusing, seeing James stutter and get nervous in front of a girl (other than Evans, of course), and laughed maniacally and pretty soon, Remus had joined in. Sirius could tell she also found this highly amusing, but, in the good nature of keeping the joke going, kept a glare and her angry face going the whole time. "I—I—I—di—di—didn—"

"Prongs, mate," Sirius laughed, "get a hold of yourself. She's not actually angry with you."

"I can't believe you got him to _stutter_ and _blush_!" Lupin said turning to face a beaming Aphrodite. "Catherine, you're amazing."

"Oh shut it!" James growled, in a bad mood from being the laughingstock of his friends.

"You're just cranky because she tricked you." Sirius stuck his tongue out at James and received more laughter.

"NO! I'M CRANKY BECAUSE EVERYONE FORGOT IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!" James exploded.

"It's your birthday?" they asked simultaneously.

"_Yes!_"

"Well, then," Catherine said, standing up, "this calls for a celebration. LISTEN UP, EVERYBODY! WE ARE GOING TO SING JAMES "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" GOT IT?!" Everyone nodded.

"ONE! TWO! THREE!" A horrible rendition of the "Happy Birthday Song" exploded from the out-of-tune singing Griffindors. It went something like this **_(A/N: The italics are "stage directions" Get it? Got it? If not, I don't care.)_**:

HAAPPPYYYY _James buried his head in his hands._

BIIIIIRTHDAAAAYY TOOOOO YOOOOOUUUUUU!

HAAAAAPPPPPYYYY _Mary walked over to stand beside James and sing very loudly in his ear. _BBBBBBBBBIIIIIIRRRRRRTTTTTTTTHHHHDAAAAYYYYYYYYY

_The Hufflepuffs laughed at their attempts at singing._

TOOOOOOO YOOOOOUUUUUUU!

_The Ravenclaw table beside them turned around to stare blankly._

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO _The Slytherins plugged their ears._

JAAAAAAAMMMMMEEESSSSSSS!

HAAPPPPY BIRRRRTHDAY TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

YYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!

James looked up to reveal a bright red face, causing the table to erupt in more laughter...with the exception of Sirius. "What? I thought that was gorgeous. Didn't you? Oh my Merlin! We should start a band! I could sing!" He received a roomful of blank stares and angry glares. "What?!" Catherine simply sighed and left along with the tons of other students that were now exiting the Great Hall.

**_Author's Notes: HAAAPPPPPP—oh sorry. Anyway, Happy B-day, Mary! You're now 14! (I hope) WHOO HOO!!!_**

**_Next Chapter: I forget...but I'll develop my plot and Catherine/Aphrodite more._**

**_Future Events: Wouldn't you like to know._**


	19. Misunderstandings

Author's Notes: I hope you all liked the last chapter. BTW: if you have time, read the stories in my Favorite Authors List....especially the SilverStar24 one! It's awesome, and it's written by my older sister. So read it, ok? I don't own any characters...although I do own this cool Kerry/Edwards sticker I put on my American Government Binder. Hehe. VOTE KERRY! HOEFFEL FOR SENATE! And now, Chapter 19!

Chapter 19

"DROP DEAD!" James shouted. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"

"Prongs," Sirius comforted, "take a deep breath. It's not a big deal...just a simple misunderstanding."

"This is your fault, too!"

_Flashback from earlier that day..._

"I love you, Lily," he whispered into her ear. They were sitting by the lake, enjoying a picnic. He was so happy. He had finally found true love. No more pointless, meaningless girlfriends that didn't matter. They gazed out over the lake, letting the brisk winter breeze whip past them. Unbeknownst to the couple, however, Aphrodite was invisibly standing behind them, using her powers to spread love between the young couple.

_Present..._

"I'm sorry!"

"You knew she was off limits!"

"She doesn't love you anyway! She doesn't even like you! She would never kiss _you!" _

"What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"It means," Sirius interrupted, "that Aphrodite got a little confused when I explained the situation..."

"APHRODITE DOES NOT EXIST, YOU GIT!" they both shouted at Sirius.

"I beg to differ." Catherine came into the room wearing a vibrant orange spaghetti strapped dress that came to her knees.

"Then you're insane, too!"

"Bloody humans!"

"Pickin' up the lingo already, Aphrodite?" Sirius laughed, forgetting about the psychotic amounts of emotion and testosterone that were taking up the entire room.

"Do you need proof in order to believe Aphrodite exists?"

"You couldn't possibly get proof," Remus scoffed. At that, Catherine's face became stern and her caring eyes turned to an icy glare.

"Very well." She, in an effort to make the transformation more dramatic (she was always one for showy entrances), put her arms towards the sky and closed her eyes. She coaxed fog, lightning, swirling vortexes of color, etc. and the room started spinning out of control.

"Could you, please, just change already, you did it in 5 seconds before, without any showy junk."

"Fine." Aphrodite sighed and with the blink of an eye turned into her goddess form, her hair miraculously in an elegant, curly up-do.

For the second time, James began to stutter uncontrollably. "I—I—I—I—you--you--but—Catherine—but goddess no---exist—no—bu—but—Aphrodite—pretty."

"Does someone care to translate?" she asked. Remus volunteered, embarrassed for his friend's display of illiteracy.

"He said," Remus said, "that he is amazed at the fact that Catherine's real identity is an even more beautiful goddess named Aphrodite."

"I'm impressed."

"Apparently, so is he."

"Y—YY—YOOO---YOOOUUUU! It was you!" James pointed accusingly at Aphrodite.

"What, praytell, was me?"

"You made Lily fall in love with Remus!"

"You're welcome," she smiled, satisfied with her skill at making people fall in love.

"YOU'RE WELCOME?! I'M THE ONE IN LOVE WITH HER!"

"Huh?" she was dumbfounded, "Sirius, darling, would you mind clarifying?"

"We—" he began but was rudely interrupted by Remus.

"You didn't do anything. I love Lily and she loves me. So there!"

"What I was saying," Sirius's cold voice droned out everybody else, "is that Aphrodite got mixed up and thought it was Remus and not James, so now Lily is in love with Remus, instead of Prongsie."

"I see."

"MAKE IT BETTE—" James wailed but stopped mid-word because Malfoy and Severus had just walked into the room.

Snape could only stare at the tear-ridden face of James, the beautiful woman, a love-stricken Remus, the only sane looking one, Sirius (believe it or not). "What the bloody hell is going on?" Snape asked once he had found his voice.

"NONE OF YOUR BLOODY BUSINESS!" they all shouted back.

"Oooo does the cry baby want a blankie?" Lucius taunted.

"Yes," he sniffed. "I mean, no! I'm not a cry baby. I'll hex you."

"Bloody humans," she sighed and performed some kind of weird goddess hocus-pocus to make them leave.

"I'll fix it, I promise."

_**Author's Notes: Woohoo. Party for the crappy chapter. **_

Next Chapter: EPILOGUE 

_**Future Events: um, duh. None.**_

__

__


	20. Epilogue and a funny skit

Author's Notes: Ok, ok. It's almost over. I no this ending sucked, but you can just deal w/ it. Thanks to all of my reviewers and for all of the readers. I'm sorry I'm ending it, but I really want to write a new one, and I don't have time for both...I barely have time for one. So, this next one I have no idea what genre it will be, but I'm thinking it'll deal w/ Hermione, Harry, and Ron. And Malfoy. Hehe. Yeah! Clap fuer mich. â«âªâ«ââ♥♠♣♦âºâ»He he. Fun w/ symbols on word. Hehe.

Epilogue/ Chapter 20 

Aphrodite erased all of those emotions she installed in Remus for Lily, and things just kind of went from there...

"Lily," James's nervous voice said, "I want you to have this." Lily shifted closer to James in the booth at Madame Puddifoot's.

"Wha—" she started to say, until her eyes caught a golden and red glow coming from James's hand. "It's the locket with a picture of us from the dance!"

"Huh?" he asked.

"Oh, sorry. When Sirius and I went to the future, Harry had it."

"Right. Well, anyway, Lily, here." He fastened the clasp around her neck. "I—I—I—"

"Prongsie, you're embarrassing yourself." Sirius crawled out from under their table with a stupid grin plastered on his face quickly followed by Mary and Lupin.

"What are you doing here?!" His face became red with embarrassment and rage.

"Well, I wanted to be in the story, of course." Mary explained. "And since Remus and I got back together, I thought we should all come down and help you not look like a moron when you propose.

"How did you know I was going to propose?!"

"Psychic! Duh!" Mary yelled. "Oh oh! I want to tackle somebody, and away she ran, crashing into Snape and pummeling him onto the ground.

"That was odd," Remus pointed out.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You don't have to be s—"

"Take that! And that!" Mary yelled as she punched Snape. "EEEWW! You got grease on my hand! Take that, and that! Vote whack Kerry whack!"

"Mary. Mary! MARY! MAAAAAARRRRYYYYY!!!!" Remus shouted at her.

"What?" she finally responded.

"We're supposed to be getting these to love birds together.

"Oh, right." She got up and walked back to the table where her friends were standing.

"Ok," Sirius said, clasping his hands together, as if he were preparing to do a play in football. "You're supposed to say, 'I love you, Lily.' And then she will go, 'Oh, James, I love you, too.' And then you'll say, 'I've loved you since the moment I layed eyes on you.' And then she'll go, 'You mean all you saw was a beautiful body?!' and then you'll go, 'no, no. That's not what I meant?!' and then she'll smile and giggle and kiss you. And then you'll go, 'Lily, will you marry me?' and of course, she'll say 'Oh, James, of course I will.' And then you'll go, 'And by the way, Sirius, since you're the hottest, most wonderful person on the planet, and possibly universe, will you be my best man?' and I'll say, 'OF COURSE I WILL!'"

_And that's what happened. Sirius was always a bit psychic. Of course, you all know the rest of the story, up until Ootp, of coure. _

Author's Notes: Thanks again. LALA. Read my other story when I write it. YEAH!

Special Thanks to:

Merwin

Catherine (Katie)

Elena

Annwa

Allie

Liz

Me

Emily

Me

Me

Me

Me

Me

_**Mary: STOP IT!**_

_**Me: NOOOOO**_

_**Mary: STOOOOP**_

_**Me: WHY?!**_

_**Mary: Because you should be thanking me more! Mary grabs the keyboard and starts trying to run away, but cannot, because it's still connected to the computer.**_

_**Me: You're weird, cross country person!**_

_**Mary: I bet I can outrun you! Let's race. Mary started twitching and continued trying to run around, but was, once again, stopped by those pesky laws of physics.**_

_**Me: I but you could outrun me too. In fact, I think everyone could outrun me. So I'm not racing. Besides, you run over 8 miles a day.**_

_**Liz: He he he. 8 miles! That's that Eminem movie thing.**_

_**Annwa: NOOOO! I haven't listened to wrap in over a year and I hate rap!**_

_**Allie: Well, duh! How could you not.**_

_**Elena: Parlez vous, Francies?**_

_**Everyone: NOOOO!**_

_**Elena: Espenol?**_

_**Everyone: NOOOO!**_

_**Annwa: Crayons, anyone? She took a giant bite out of the red crayon and chewed happily.**_

_**Aaron: MMMmmm. Let me try. Aaron grabbed a purple crayon, and, like Annwa, chewed happily.**_

_**Allie: MMmmm bop. Ba dip be da ba du bop.**_

_**Mary: I bet I can come up with a better annoying song.**_

_**Me: Hey! That's not annoying.**_

_**Mary: You're right, but this is. "YOU CAN'T STOP ME CUZ I'M KIM PO-SIIIIIBLE. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN'T DO, WHEN DANGER COMES JUST KNOW THAT I AM ON MY WA—**_

_**Everyone: SHUUUUT UUUUUPPPP!**_

_**Mary: Jeez, you don't have to be so mean. I mean, my god. I'm going to the bathroom. If I don't come back, I want a nice funeral.**_

_**Me: Is the toilet going to kill you, or something? How does it take you 8 minutes to pee?!**_

_**Mary: Um, duh, it doesn't. I have to battle with my tampon. Wish me luck. Mary then left the table and went towards the impending doom that awaited her, inside the bathroom.**_

_**Annwa: Thanks for sharing. Hey guess what?**_

_**Everyone: What?**_

_**Annwa: Way down south were the Annwa's grow there's a little annwa running round the farm she's a little annwa a little annwa, she's a little annwa**_

_**Everyone: A LITTLE AAAANNNNNWWWWAAAAA!!**_

_**Mary: GUESS WHAT EVERYONE!**_

_**Everyone: What?**_

_**Mary: I SURVIVED! I only lost a finger.**_

_**Annwa: You lost a what?! **_

_**Allie: A finger.**_

_**Me: AAHHAHAHAHA**_

_**Liz: I don't get it. And I haven't had enough speaking parts.**_

_**Elena: Yeah well I have less than you.**_

_**Annwa: You have less what than her?!**_

_**Me: Well, anway. I put my pointer fingers up to my temples and telepathically send liz and explanation.**_

_**Liz: HAHAHA I GET IT NOW!**_

_**Elena: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU! TELEPATHY DOESN'T EXIST!**_

_**Emily: Sure it does. I had to write an essay about that for the PSAT's this morning.**_

_**Me: Hey, Emily, do you want this bottle cap?**_

_**Emily: She started blushing. Sure.**_

_**Elena: TELEPATHY DOESN'T EXIST!**_

_**Liz: Just ask Purkey.**_

_**Purkey: in monotone: Hi.**_

_**Liz: So, do you think telepa she didn't get to finish my sentence because Purkey got distracted by something shiny.**_

_**Me: Purkey. Purkey?! PPPPUUUUUURRRRKKKKKEEEEEYYYYY!!!! He was still not paying attention. Emily, get Purkey, he doesn't listen to me.**_

_**Emily: Purkey?**_

_**Purkey: What?**_

_**Liz: Laughing hysterically.**_

_**Me: Laughing hysterically.**_

_**Allie: YOU GUYS DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING!**_

_**Elena: What's going on?**_

_**Mary: I RAN 9 MILES TODAY!**_

_**Me: That's b/c you're on drugs!**_

_**Everyone: WE ALL ARE!!!!**_

_**He he. Wasn't that asome?**_


End file.
